Remember
by BoundaryBreaker
Summary: Yui, formerly Katsu, has died and gone to Soul Society. But as people from her unknown past keep popping up, and she is forbidden from knowing about her own past, she begins to try and figure things out on her own. Sequel to Memories. RenjiOC. Rated T.
1. Chapter 1

I looked at myself in the mirror of Kohaku's front walkway, trying to memorize my looks. I was, by my standards, actually kind of pretty. _Innocent_ pretty. And because of that, Kohaku was having a hard time coming up with a name. I had this beautiful, shoulder length golden blonde hair, and these amazing, deep, emerald green eyes. My skin was tan, but natural looking. I was about five foot seven, maybe. And, I lived with a pretty good looking guy too.

"Aha!" Kohaku cried from the other room. I spun around and walked into the room.

"Think of one?"

"Yuki." I looked at him, then started laughing.

"That makes me sound like a little kid." he frowned.

"Then come up with one on your own." I put a finger to my lips, leaning back against the doorframe.

"Yui Matsuoka." he blinked.

"Actually, that sounds good. Good job, you're smarter than me!" I laughed and threw my hands up.

"Huzzah!" he chuckled.

"Alright. So, tomorrow we'll try to find something you're good at." I glared at him.

"Are you implying I'm not good at anything?"

"Totally." he rolled his eyes and got up. Considering it was midnight, he should be tired. And so should I. But I'm not. He said goodnight, then headed off to bed. I ventured outside, then started humming a song I'd heard a lady singing earlier.

"_You can take everything I have. You can break everything I am. Like I'm made of glass, like I'm made of paper. Go on and try to tear me down, I will be rising from the ground. Like a skyscraper, like a skyscraper._" a thump sounded from inside the house, and I turned around to face the window behind me as it slammed open.

"Was that you singing?" Kohaku questioned. I looked at him incredulously.

"If it's that bad, just say so."

"That's the thing, it wasn't. Your singing was amazing!" I smiled sheepishly.

"I guess we know what I'm doing tomorrow." he nodded.

"Now come inside, and go to sleep, you daughter of a lump."

"Don't mock my nonexistant father!" I cried defensively, walking back toward the front door. He grinned, and the window shut.

**oOo**

Someone tapping on my head woke me up the next morning, and instinctively, I lashed out, smacking someone.

"Ow." my eyes flickered open, and I sat up on my cot.

"I'm so sorry Kohaku!" he laughed, his hand over the red mark.

"Don't worry about it. But get up and come get some breakfast." he left, and I rolled off the bed, then stood up and inspected my clothes. They weren't _too _dirty. Cracking my neck, I wandered into the kitchen, and grabbed a plate, then pushed my fork into the pancake.

"Is this even cooked?"

"Of course it is. Just eat it, you dope." I made a face at him, then sat down and started eating. Half an hour later, he dragged me outside.

"I've got to go to work. Just go do whatever you want. We'll work on your songs tonight." he ran off, and I blinked.

"What the hell just happened?" shaking my head, I started for anywhere.

Wandering by many small shops, I window shopped, humming to myself. After a few hours of staring through windows, I got lost. Sitting down I plopped down onto the grass, and started singing the song from before.

"_You can take everything I have. You can break everything I am. Like I'm made of glass, like I'm made of paper. Go on and try to tear me down, I will be rising from the ground. Like a skyscraper, like a skyscraper._" someone tapped my foot, and I looked up. An older woman stood by my feet.

"Do you know the rest of that song?"

"No."

"Here are the lyrics dearest. You have a wonderful voice." I smiled and took the paper from her, then scanned it. When I looked back up, she was gone. Blinking, I sang quietly. Two minutes later, someone tapped me on the head.

"Where are you collecting money?" I looked at the man.

"Um... nowhere?"

"Oh. Well, here." he handed me a few coins, and I grinned.

**oOo**

I exited the house, and started running, Kohaku behind me. I gasped when I saw the crowd gathered around my sakura tree. I slid in behind them, and Kohaku followed, sitting down beside me.

"Sorry I'm late. Someone didn't wake me up."

"No, I did. You just fell back asleep. Idiot." I bit back a retort, but knowing I needed to get started was the sole reason I didn't lash out. I'd been doing this for a week now, and had a schedule.

"Alright. This first song is called Big Girls Don't Cry."

"Yes! I recommended that!" someone in the crowd called. I laughed, then looked at Kohaku, he started playing, and I looked up, trying to remember the words.

"_La da da da. The smell of your skin lingers on me now. You probably on your flight back to your hometown. I need some shelter of my own protection baby. Be with myself in center clarity, peace, serenity. I hope you know, I hope you know. That this has nothing to do with you. It's personal, myself and I, we've got some straightenin' out to do. And I'm gonna miss you, like a child misses their blanket, but I've got to get a move on with my life. It's time to be a big girl now, and big girls don't cry. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry._

"_The path that I'm walking, I must go alone. I'm must take baby steps till I'm full grown, full grown. Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they? And I forsee the dark ahead, if I stay. I hope you know, I hope you know, that this has nothing to do with you. It's personal, myself and I, we've got some straightenin' out to go. And I'm gonna miss you, like a child misses their blanket, but I've got to get a move on with my life. It's time to be a big girl now, and big girls don't cry._

"_Like a little school mate in the school yard, we'll play jacks and Uno cards. I'll be your bestfriend, and you'll be mine, valentine. Yes you can hold my hand if you want to, 'cause I want to hold yours too. We'll be playmates and lovers and share our, secret worlds. But it's time for me to go, home. It's gettin' late and dark outside. Need to be with myself and center, clarity, peace, serenity. I hope you know, I hope you know, that this had nothing to do with you. It's personal, myself and I, we've got some straightenin' out to do. And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket, but I've got to get a move on with my life. It's time to be a big girl now, and big girls don't cry. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry._" I looked up, and my face fell at the people crying.

"Oh please don't cry! It's just a song!" they smiled and tossed me small _bags _of money.

"It's not that it's a song, dear. It's your voice, and the way you sing. You sing like you know these lyrics. Like this has happened to you." an old man said from the front. I smiled at him.

"Maybe something happened in my life in the World of the Living? I don't know." he nodded.

"What's your next song?" I looked back at Kohaku.

"Um, it's called Hey There Delilah. It's from a guy's point of view, so my voice may sound a little wrong for this song." Kohaku started strumming again, and I closed my eyes to remember the lyrics.

"_Hey there Delilah, what's it like in New York City? I'm a thousand miles away but girl tonight you look so pretty, yes you do. Time Square can't shine as bright as you, I swear it's true. Hey there Delilah, don't you worry 'bout the distance. I'm right there if you get lonely, give this song another listen. Close your eyes. Listen to my voice, it's my disguise, I'm by your side. Oh, it's what you do to me, oh it's what you do to me. Oh, it's what you do to me, oh it's what you do to me. What you do to me._

"_Hey there Delilah, I know times are getting hard, but just believe girl, someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar. We'll have it good, we'll have the life we knew we would, my word is good. Hey there Delilah, I've got so much left to say. If every simple song I wrote to you would take your breath away, I'd write it all. Even more in love with me you'd fall, we'd have it all. Oh, it's what you do to me, oh, it's what you do to me. Oh, it's what you do to me, oh, it's what you do to me._

"_A thousand miles seems pretty far, but they've got planes and trains and cars. I'd walk to you if I had no other way. Our friends would all make fun of us, and we'll just laugh along because we know that none of them have felt this way. Delilah I can promise you, that by the time that we get through, the world will never ever be the same, and you're to blame. Hey there Delilah, you be good and don't you miss me. Two more years and you'll be done with school, and I'll be making history like I do. You'll know it's all because of you. We can do whatever we want to. Hey there Delilah here's to you, this one's for you. Oh, it's what you do to me, oh, it's what you do to me. Oh, it's what you do to me, oh, it's what you do to me. What you do to me._" I looked up, and even more people were sobbing.

"Oh my gosh! People! It's just a song! You're making me feel bad!" more small bags of money were tossed my direction, and I turned bright red.

"Please don't pay this much." I called out.

"You sing from the heart." a male voice called out. I glanced to my right at the Shinigami standing there. He wore a white Haori with the number nine stitched onto the sleeve. He also had blood red hair, tied back into a ponytail, with a white towel tied around his forehead. He had small, brown eyes, and black tattoos that vanished beneath his clothes.

"Captain Abarai." Kohaku greeted him.

"Kohaku, you know you're not allowed to foster the new people." Kohaku turned defensive.

"How do you even know she's new?" he questioned. Captain Abarai didn't reply.

"As I was saying, you sing from the heart. You sound like you've experienced this thing, and to people who've felt these things too, it touches them."

"You sound like you're one of those people, Captain."

"Maybe I am." I frowned slightly.

"Alright, people, I'm going to take a short break." I stood up and joined him against the tree, some ways away.

"I have a question."

"Shoot."

"How did you know I was new?" he didn't respond at first, making me think he wasn't going to.

"I... knew you when you were alive." I looked at him.

"Haha, very funny. Is it like, some way I act or something?"

"Actually, you act like someone who's been here forever, but I'm not joking. I can't really say more, because I just can't. Sorry." he disappeared, and I blinked.

"What the hell?"

"Yui, get back here!" I ran back and slid back into my spot.

"Sorry to keep y'all waiting!"

**oOo**

Afterwards, I wandered around the district. I told the people I wouldn't be here today, but tomorrow I will be. So, wandering now, I wondered vaguely how well Captain Abarai and I knew each other before I died. And if I was forgetting anything important. I stopped in front of a cake shop, looking in.

"Hello again." I jumped and turned around.

"Jesus Christ, don't sneak up on me!"

"You always did scare easy." Captain Abarai commented, smirking. I pouted.

"It's not fair that you know, but I can't."

"You're not allowed to. What's your name now, anyway? It's obviously not the same."

"Yui. Yui Matsuoka."

"Well, Yui, if you're thinking about baking, you can't stay in this low of a district."

"Low?" I questioned, "Kohaku told me there was eighty."

"Yeah, but you're baking is amazing. The nobles would have no problem ordering from you." he blinked. I rolled my eyes.

"You're so weird. You seem like you know everything about me. That kind of disturbs me, though, since I'm not _allowed_ to know anything about myself." he chuckled.

"That's because you're not. And I do know almost everything about you. You're favourite colour is blue. You're favourite flavour of anything is vanilla. You listen to lots of sappy love songs. You love the ocean. You're a very physical person, prone to hitting and smacking. You're verbally abusive. You have a scar on your belly button." I blinked. He did know a lot about me.

"You're weird. I'm going home."

"No, you're not." he gripped my wrist and pulled me back.

"Why not?"

"Because I want to show you something."

"You're so friendly. I thought Shinigami were supposed to be mean."

"We were close before." he responding, flashing off. I screeched, holding onto his waist tight, eyes shut. He tapped my head seconds later.

"You can let go." I shook my head, and he chuckled.

"We stopped moving. Relax." I shook my head again. "You weren't ever this scared before."

"I'm not who I was before! I'm Yui now, not whoever!"

"You're still the same." he pried me off gently, and spun me around.

"Open your eyes." I slowly opened my eyes, then gasped and took a step back into him, away from the cliff edge. We were standing on a cliff that jutted out over the ocean, I guess, and the sky was an array of colours. After a few seconds, I walked closer to the edge, squinting, trying to figure out if I was imagining the colours. Hands wrapped around my waist and pulled me backward. I glanced back, smirking.

"Worried I'm going to jump or fall?"

"A little. You're stupid enough."

"Hey now! I'm not the same as I was before. If I would do that then, I might not do it now."

"You have no idea how close to the edge you were, do you?" I turned pink, and he chuckled.

"Douche bag! You have no right to judge my absent mindedness. Ohmygod, I said I'd be home half an hour ago. I totally spaced out while window shopping."

"I'll take you back, no worries. C'mon." he flashed off again, and I screamed, again, and gripped his waist as tightly as I could. Seconds later, he tapped my head again.

"Let go."

"I hate you!" he chuckled while I let go and stormed into the house. Kohaku looked at me questioningly.

"He's such an asshole it isn't even funny!"

"Who are you so riled up about? Seriously."

"Captain Abarai! He's such an asshat! Just ugh!" I was running low on fuel for my anger, which was the coverup for how I was _actually _feeling. So, I stormed into my room, and slammed the door. I sat on the bed, anger completely gone now, and stared at the wall. How could it feel so _right _to be in a stranger's arms? He obviously knew me, _very _well. And obviously my _body _knew him very well. So was it only my mind that didn't?

The entire encounter left me wondering just what exactly our relationship had been, and I wanted to ask. But somehow I knew he'd deny me, shut me out, and not talk to me for days. Probably. Why am I making assumptions when I don't even know the guy?

"Oh my fucking God, I'm going bat shit crazy!" I cried, burying my head into my pillow, screaming.

**oOo**

"Get up, right now. We're late."

"Fuck the what?" I arched my back upward, lifted my head up and looking around.

"Yeah." he fled, and I jumped off the bed and grabbed a new, short, yukata. This one was green, matching my eyes, and was laced with gold trim and designs. I pulled my hair up into a bun, and fled the house, not even caring about food. Kohaku was right after me. I slid out into the street, then ran, and slid again, tripping over someone's foot, and rolling, smacking my head on a glass vase on the ground. It shattered, and I could feel the blood oozing out of the side of my face. I barely registered the pain as I sat up.

"Holy shit, Yui, are you alright?" I blinked, and felt my face.

"Oh yeah. Don't worry about it." I wiped off the blood and stood up, sliding into my spot.

"Are you alright miss?"

"Totally. Don't worry." I grinned, then looked at Kohaku.

"This one is called Yours to Hold."

"_I see you standing here, but you're so far away. Starving for your attention, you don't even know my name. You're going through so much, but I know that I, could be the one, to hold you! Every single day, I find it hard to say, 'I could be yours, alone.' You will see some day, that all along the way, I was yours, to hold. I was yours to hold. I see you walkin' by, your hair always hiding your face. I wonder why you've been hurting, I wish I had someway to say, 'You're goin' through so much. Don't you know that I, could be the one, to hold you?'_

"_Every single day, I find it hard to say, 'I could be yours, alone.' You will see someday, that all along the way, I was yours to hold. I was yours, to hold. I'm stretching but your just out of reach. You should know, I'm ready when you're ready for me. And I'm waiting for the right time, for the day I catch your eye, to let you know, that I'm yours to hold. Every single day, I find it hard to say, 'I could be yours, alone.' You will see someday, that all along the way, I was yours to hold. I was yours to hold._

"_Every single day, I find it hard to say, 'I could be yours, alone.' You will see someday, that all along the way I, was yours to hold. I was yours, to hold. I'm stretching but you're just out of reach, I'm ready when you're ready for me._" I looked back at Kohaku, then gasped.

"Oh you can't cry too! Seriously! Please don't cry too, Kohaku. I need you to support me here, not break down in tears."

"That song reminds me of when I was little."

"You were born here?"

"Yeah. That's how I was with a girl, in my teens." I shook my head.

"Jebus."

"Sing Big Girls Don't Cry again. I have a friend here who wants to hear it." I looked back into the crowd, and smiled at the silver haired man, obviously the friend. He looked astonished for a few moments.

"Alright. And what am I singing after this song?"

"I want you to try a non romantic song and see if it invokes the same emotion." an older man said.

"Alright. So... what about... I know what to sing. Alright, let's do Big Girls Don't Cry." I glanced back at Kohaku, who was composed again. He nodded, and I turned back to the crowd.

"_La da da da. The smell of your skin lingers on me now. You probably on your flight back to your hometown. I need some shelter of my own protection baby. Be with myself in center clarity, peace, serenity. I hope you know, I hope you know. That this has nothing to do with you. It's personal, myself and I, we've got some straightenin' out to do. And I'm gonna miss you, like a child misses their blanket, but I've got to get a move on with my life. It's time to be a big girl now, and big girls don't cry. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry._

"_The path that I'm walking, I must go alone. I'm must take baby steps till I'm full grown, full grown. Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they? And I forsee the dark ahead, if I stay. I hope you know, I hope you know, that this has nothing to do with you. It's personal, myself and I, we've got some straightenin' out to go. And I'm gonna miss you, like a child misses their blanket, but I've got to get a move on with my life. It's time to be a big girl now, and big girls don't cry._

"_Like a little school mate in the school yard, we'll play jacks and Uno cards. I'll be your bestfriend, and you'll be mine, valentine. Yes you can hold my hand if you want to, 'cause I want to hold yours too. We'll be playmates and lovers and share our, secret worlds. But it's time for me to go, home. It's gettin' late and dark outside. Need to be with myself and center, clarity, peace, serenity. I hope you know, I hope you know, that this had nothing to do with you. It's personal, myself and I, we've got some straightenin' out to do. And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket, but I've got to get a move on with my life. It's time to be a big girl now, and big girls don't cry. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry._" the silver haired man looked like he was about to cry. Not crying yet, but about to. I frowned.

"Can you all stop crying? It's going to make me cry."

"You can't hear the emotion in your voice." Silver haired man replied, moving around the back and coming around to the side. I don't know what it is, maybe the combination of his shoulder length hair, or the slight frame, or the glasses, or the way he carried himself, but all I could think of was that he looked like a wolf.

"That song reminds me of a girl I loved once. She probably would have sang that now, if she hadn't died."

"Died here? I thought you couldn't die here?" he chuckled.

"No, not here. She was in the World of the Living. Burned to death."

"So shouldn't she be here? We could go find her."

"It's fine. What's the next song?" I laughed.

"Oh this'll be good. So I know everything I've been singing is like, slow, easy shit, but this song, is a rock song. Prayer of the Refugee." I heard some cheers in the back, laughed again, and looked at Kohaku. He nodded, then started with the guitar entrance.

"_Warm yourself by the fire son, the morning will come soon. I'll tell you stories of a better time, and a place that we once knew. Before we packed our bags and left all this behind us in the dust, we had a place that we could call home, and a life no one could touch. Don't hold me up now, I can stand my own ground. I don't need your help now. You will let me down, down down! Don't hold me up now, I can stand my own ground. I don't need your help now. You will let me down, down, down!_

"_We are the angry and the desperate, the hungry and the cold. We are the ones who kept quiet, and always did what we were told. But we've been sweating while you slept so calm, in the safety of your home. We've been pullin' out the nails that hold up everything you know. Don't hold me up, now, I can stand my own ground. I don't need your help now. You will let me down, down down! Don't hold me up, now, I can stand my own ground. I don't need your help now. You will let me down, down down! So open your eyes child, let's be on our way. Broken windows and ashes are guarding the way. Keep quiet no longer, we sing through the day, of the lives that we've lost, and the lives we've reclaimed! Go!_

"_Don't hold me up now, I can stand my own ground. I don't need your help now. You will let me down, down down! Don't hold me up now, I can stand my own ground. I don't need your help now. You will let me down, down down!_" I made a quick glance back, and Kohaku held up one finger.

"_Don't hold me up_!" I held out the up, and he sang the layered part, "_I don't need your help, I'll stand my ground._"

"_Don't hold me up_!" we did the same, then I sang, "_No! No! No! Don't hold me up!_" and we repeated twice, then I moved onto, "_Don't let me down, down, down, down, down!_" the crowd was very, very, riled up now. I looked back at Kohaku.

"Now what could that possibly make them think about?"

"The Winter War, and their feelings toward Shinigami. A lot of these people are from our district, and we don't have many problems with Shinigami, but some are from the lower, and they have _lots _of problems. Everyone gets wronged by a Shinigami at least once." I looked at the silver haired man, who seemed lost in thought.

"It would appear I have invoked some emotions."

"I also think you should stick to less angsty songs. We don't want a riot, because you'd get arrested, and they'd start testing you for shit to see if you have a Zanpakuto or something." I looked at Kohaku.

"That's ridiculous."

"What's ridiculous, is what your voice does to people. It seriously sounds like you've experienced all these things, and you connect. This song is about war and stuff, and there is no way you could have connected. There hasn't been a war here in a few years, and in Japan, even longer. So I don't get where the feeling of connection is coming from."

"I don't know. Maybe something minor happened while I was alive."

"Maybe. Okay, so next song. Something mellow?"

"Yeah."

**E/N: I think the image of this chapter _looks_ better, don't you? 'Coz I'm shallow like that and love reading pretty things~ and I also fixed a few of the mistakes I missed reading this over... I'm a failure a an ediiiitooooorrr! *falls into an inky, swirly mental abyss, never to be seen or heard from again.* btw, any mis-spellings are 99.99999% likely my fault. ^^ u better review 'dis or I'll throw you into my epic black hole and thou shall never escapeth!**

**~know something? If someone hadn't ever heard those songs, it's kind of akward reading it... luckily, I know them decently well.**

MARK OF EDIT COMPLETION


	2. Chapter 2

I was window shopping again. Every other day, I sang. In between, I window shopped.

So, as I passed the bakery again, a hand landed on my shoulder, and I jerked my elbow back instinctively, then turned around and bright red.

"I'm so sorry!" the silver haired man was doubled over, clutching his stomach.

"Damn you pack a punch." he grumbled, straightening out after a minute.

"I'm so, so, sorry!"

"It's fine. You used to hit me like that all the time." he covered his mouth as soon as the words were out, and I narrowed my eyes.

"You knew me too? How? You're no Shinigami." at the word 'too', he looked around.

"Who else knew you?"

"Captain Abarai. We talk basically every day I'm not singing."

"Do you really? You shouldn't trust him."

"Why not? Shinigami have done nothing bad to me. He's super kind."

"Not everybody is who they say they are."

"Yui!" I turned around, and waved to Captain Abarai. I turned back to say, 'See, he's not bad.' but the man was gone.

"What the hell?" Abarai skidded to a halt beside me.

"Do you know who that man was?" he asked. I made a face.

"No. He just showed up a few days ago with a friend to hear me sing."

"Shit." I narrowed my eyes.

"Do you know him?"

"Yeah. I need you to come with me, right now. You're no longer safe here."

"Yes, I am." I paused for a moment, "He told me not to trust you. Why would he say that?" he cursed quietly.

"I promise I'll see if I can explain, if you just come with me."

"Tell me his name, and I'll go."

"His name is Goka." he gripped my wrist, and shunpoed, off. I screeched and gripped his waist again, for dear life. He pried me off.

"Stay right here."

"Give me a warning next time, damn it!" he entered through double doors, and I sunk to the ground, tapping my feet, trying to piece everything together. Captain Abarai knew me, but was forbidden to tell me anything. This Goka fellow knew me, but he seemed less able to hold his tongue. He also told me not to trust Captain Abarai. I felt comfortable in both of their presences, and nothing told me to be wary, so I really didn't know who to believe. I'd known Captain Abarai longer, in this second life, but lord knows who I knew longer when I was alive.

"Though..." now that I was thinking back on when Goka and I talked, I could actually pick out an uneasy feeling of my own. Something about him made me on edge, apparently. Captain Abarai never did that to me. So, obviously, Goka did something to betray me, maybe hurt me. Captain Abarai never did anything of the sort, that I could tell. So, it made more sense for me to trust Captain Abarai.

"Plus, Goka kind of gave me the feel that he was going to kidnap me."

"He what?" I looked up at Abarai and grinned sheepishly.

"Nothing?"

"No. He made you feel like he was going to kidnap you?"

"It was an underlying feeling. Nothing I'm worried about."

"Just because you're not worried doesn't mean I'm not. I'm a Shinigami. I'm supposed to rely on those underlying feelings." I rolled my eyes.

"How did your brief talk go?"

"We were in there for half an hour, Yui."

"Are you serious? Man, did I space out..." he pulled me up.

"I'm allowed to tell you some things, but not a lot. Let's go back to Kohaku's house, then we'll talk."

"Alrighty." he gripped my wrist and shunpoed off again. When we stopped, I punched him hard on the shoulder.

"Ow."

"I told you to warn me!" I hissed. He rubbed his shoulder.

"Damn it." I knew he was going to say something about the past, but he stopped himself.

"I hate it when you do that. Stop comparing me to me in the past." he looked at me.

"I wasn't-"

"Yes, you were. You always stop abruptly, and stare at one spot for a second, so the thought can finish. It's irritating." he rubbed his head.

"Sorry. I knew you for a long time. It's hard not to."

"Try." I sat down on a bench, and he leaned against the wall. I covered up my confusion quickly. Usually, he'd just sit next to me. But, he'd known me well when I was alive, maybe we'd had something, and it was just too hard right now.

And then it was all clear.

That was why he came all the time.

That's why he freaked out so bad about Goka, and how I wasn't safe.

That's why he refuses to tell me anything.

Because most of it includes us.

I sat up straight, and he looked at me.

"What?"

"Just remembered something. Now, tell me about Goka, if you can."

"He's a Hollow. A very powerful one. We think he's a Vasto Lorde, the highest _natural_ level they can get. He _might_ also be an Arrancar left over."

"Arr... what?"

"Arrancar. You've been told about Aizen?"

"Winter War and shit?"

"They were his WMD." WMD? "Weapons of Mass Destruction."

"Alright. And...?"

"You two have a history."

"One that you don't like?" anger flashed across his face.

"Oh, there it is. Loser. You're soo bad at hiding your feelings."

"Alright. Why is it so relevant that I don't remember anything?" she continued after another brief pause.

"Because you can do this thing. I think you unintentionally incorporate it when you sing. I've recognized the feeling. _Anyway_, right now you're innocent. Untainted. You can make decisions of right and wrong, without having to weigh the factors of people. If you remember, that whole thing is unbalanced. Your emotions used to be seriously unbalanced. The simplest things upset you. That's what we're worried about. If you remember, it's not completely sure if you'll choose our definition of right. That's what we're trying to preserve."

"What's the thing I can do?"

"Can't tell you."

"Do I have any relatives in Soul Society?"

"Three, maybe four."

"Maybe?"

"We're... I can't explain." I closed my eyes.

"This is frustrating."

"You're telling me? I have to filter." he paused, looking at the outside wall of the house, like he was listening.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Shh." he held up a finger, and I looked at him like he was crazy.

"Get down!" I dropped onto the floor, and the house blew up. Quite literally. The force of an elephant pushing against me nearly shoved me across the floor, put then I felt a solid weight on top of me, and prayed it was Captain, not whoever was attacking. Debris and dust flew all over, and I covered my head as my vision became obscured by floating particles. Two minutes later, a voice came out of the settling silence.

"Well, well, it seems as though you two are still together, even after she has died." the weight from on top me lifted, and I glanced up.

"Goka, don't say another word."

"Well, whatever. _I _don't care what happens if she remembers. If anything, it goes more in my favour." Captain gripped his arm and hissed inaudibly to him, then glanced back.

"Get back, but do. Not. Run." I scrambled to my feet, then backed up a few feet, and waited for him to turn around. Like hell I wasn't going to run. That psycho just blew up my house! As soon as he turned, I spun around and took off. Laughter followed.

"She's escaping, Abarai."

"Get back here damn it! Can't you ever listen?" I ignored him, running for my life, then colliding with someone.

"Yui?" I looked at Kohaku.

"I'm so sorry about the house."

"What happened to my house?" he started walking, and I grabbed for his wrist.

"Don't. Don't. Please, please don't go. Kohaku!" he continued to walk, furious. His arm slipped out of my grip, and even though the dust was still settling, I could hear his quiet scream. I shut my eyes, feeling the tears spill over, streaking my dust covered face. The sounds of a short battle continued, before Goka flashed away, Renji jogged out and over to me, but all I could see and hear was Kohaku's scream, him entering the dust cloud. Hands lighted on my shoulders.

"He's gone, Katsu." he paused for a moment and sighed.

"Why didn't you try to...?"

"I didn't even see him coming in before he was dead." I knew he was right. And, standing there, I swore I wasn't going to yell at him for it. He can't do everything. He's not a god.

His hands lowered to my upper arms, and his grip loosened so it was soft and warm, yet firm.

"We need to go, before _he_ returns." silence for a few moments.

"Keep your eyes closed." his arms encircled my waist and I felt the slight gust of air, then all was still. His hand lowered to my own, and he pulled me into a room, shutting the door behind him. His arm went under my knees, and he lifted me up, before setting me down on something soft.

"Please stay here. If you wander off..." he trailed off, like one would with a threat, but his tone seemed pleading. I nodded slightly, and with a slight breeze, he was gone again.

I allowed myself to open my eyes and looked over the room. It was suprisingly clean, which had me wondering whose it was. Aren't guys' rooms supposed to be filthy? The sheets were a shade of green, maybe sap green, but the reverse side was some pistachio colour. The floor was hardwood, and the walls were the papery material, also a green colour, that reminded me vaguely of some place I remembered. This bed, I knew, though, had to be only for Captains. It was a full size bed too. Around the place, there wasn't much in the way of personalization, only a bloodwood dresser, and...

I sat up, squinting at the top of the dresser. There was a necklace. A plain, black, twine string as a chain. A coppery looking medallion sat at the bottom. It was tarnished, like it's owner had rubbed it a lot, in remembrance. Picking it up, I ran my thumb over the wolf design on the front. The wolf was howling at the moon, with stars twinkling around. It was extremely detailed. I flipped it over. On the back, was something that looked like a compass with eight points, and strange symbols around. I don't know how long I stood there, but I knew I recognized that necklace. I knew it in another way, sitting in a wooden box, and much less tarnished. The door slid open, and a low chuckled sounded.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"How long were you gone?"

"About an hour."

"Then, a little less than about an hour." I turned to face him and held the medallion between my thumb, middle, and index fingers.

"I've seen this before." he walked over, and pulled it lightly out of my hand, running a finger over the wolf.

"You should have. It was yours." I made a face, and jokingly said,

"So, what? You kidnapped it out of my room?" he smiled slightly.

"No. You gave it to me. You told me that your father bought it for your mother, as a promise when they began dating. A promise, that they'd be together forever. When you gave it to me, you said you hoped that some of their luck would rub off on us." he set it back down on the dresser, and I just gazed at it for a moment.

"So I was right." I murmured.

"Hm?" I glanced up at him, giving him a slight smile, then looking back down at it.

"I may not have her memories, but I'm still a smart woman. I don't miss things, and I'm adept at putting things together. That much I know. I guessed that there was something. An 'Us', if you will." I glanced back up at him, still with the light smile, like one that someone would get, watching puppy love between two children, or an old couple that's been together, forever. And I knew he completely missed what I said, or rather, what I hadn't. Closing my eyes, I shook my head.

"Forget about it." he gripped my hands softly.

"No, now you keep going, because I'm curious."

"You're so oblivious, it's almost funny. I may not have her memories, but I'm still the same person. I still have her feelings. Standing here, talking about this, I know what she felt. Wow, I'm talking like it was another person. Okay, let me rephrase. I know what _I_ felt. I know what I feel. Maybe it's not as strong as it was before, yet, but it'll get there." I pushed myself up onto my tiptoes, to make our height evener, then pressed a quick kiss to his lips, that lasted longer than I had planned. A rush of emotions swept through my body, and I realized that I didn't have to refall in love. I was still in love.

**oOo**

Waking up in the morning, I made sure not to move at all. I couldn't remember exactly what happened last night, but I knew nothing bad. I remembered going to bed, however. With Abarai's arms around my waist, it was hard not to. It was really, the first night in Soul Society, that I felt I was _supposed _to be dead. So now, I just looked at the wall, hoping it will never, but knowing it will end. I looked again at the necklace on the dresser, trying to remember giving it to him. Trying to remember anything at all. Nothing but the same memory of it in a box came up. I groaned quietly.

"What's wrong?" my eyes widened, surprised that he was up.

"You're awake?"

"I'm right behind you. I can feel you wake up."

"That's because you're actually touching my ribs."

"I'll ask again, what's wrong?" I sighed.

"It's nothing." he propped himself up on his elbow, looking at me like I was stupid.

"What?"

"I know you better than you want, to pull that off." I looked back at the wall again, wondering if I could lie to him.

"How hard is it to answer a question?" I looked at him, eyebrows raised.

"Thought you knew me?"

"I do."

"Then why in the _world_ are you asking that question." he turned red.

"You've gotten a smidge impatient. So, what's wrong, doesn't concern you. I can deal with it." he looked like he was about to argue, but a butterfly flew in the room, and he held out his hand for it. It landed, and he brought it to his ear.

"And now he talks to butterflies. And apparently I have a problem?" he gave me a dry look, and I smiled sweetly with a hint of something evil in it. The butterfly flew off, and he looked at me.

"Stay in here."

"What now? You never ask me to come, it's always stay."

"Because usually, the trouble isn't around you. Well, here it isn't." he muttered the last part, then looked me in the eyes.

"Just stay here, until I or Shuhei come to get you."

"Who the hell is that?"

"Black spiky hair.Tattoos on his face. Just remember that. Are you going to stay?"

"I'll try. No promises." he scowled, and I gave a small smile. And just like that, he was gone. I pushed myself off the bed and grabbed the necklace, sitting on the floor, running my thumb around the edge.

"This used to mean something to me. I know that they're trying to keep me from remembering for my own good, but when people from my past with these strong connections keep popping up, it's hard not wanting to know." sighing, I just looked at the wolf.

"Can't they just let me know? By now, it must be an attractive choice."

"I agree, wholeheartedly." I jumped and dropped the necklace on the floor, then took a step back, away from Goka.

"So, if you come with me, I'll restore your memories."

"That's a hard bargain you drive, but you killed my friend."

"It's war. There are casualties." he shrugged. I gaped at him, and he looked confused.

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I cannot begin to fathom how I used to be friends with such a pretentious prick!" he almost looked offended.

"You broke my heart, Katsu. How can I not be mad at you?" I closed my eyes.

"My name. Is not. Katsu."

"Pretty sure it is. I spent three weeks with you."

"Before or after I died?"

"Before."

"I'm not the same girl, damn it!"

"You're arguing two different sides of the same thing, in one day, darling. You're not the same girl, you say to me. To him, you say you still have your feelings. You're still the same person." I looked at him, disturbed and quietly angry that he'd been listening.

"So tell me then, if your feelings still hold true for him, why not me?"


	3. Chapter 3

I looked at him incredulously.

Feelings for _him_? I have no doubt why Abarai excluded this information before. Something must've happened between Abarai and I. Goka took me.

Something...

Pain rang out through my head like someone had stabbed a nail into it, and was gently hammering it in. I dropped down to my knees, and gripped my head.

"Everything has to be hard with you, doesn't it?"

"Shut up!" I yelled. His voice made the pain explode.

"You really are a good actress." I shut my eyes tight and allowed tears to escape, but not many. Hands plastered over my ears, a low hum came into my range of hearing, despite my makeshift earplugs. I could barely hear him drop to his knees above the hum.

"Katsu?" it sounded like a whisper.

"My name is Yui, and would you please shut the hell up? Your voice is making it worse!" the humming went up in pitch and volume, and I grit my teeth. The pulsating banging from the hammering was like a painful drumbeat.

"Damn it. This is why I can't trust new people to do things right." he hissed. I cried out as the humming went up in pitch so it was like squealing.

"I'm leaving. It should be fine after." the door slammed open, and the pain disappeared. My head slowly lifted, my hands coming off. Sighing, I pushed myself onto my side and just laid there, legs loose again. After a few seconds, I wiped off my eyes, erasing all evidence of tears. I picked up the necklace and turned it over, then looked at a carving along the outside. I squinted at the words.

"Servatis a periculum. Servatis a maleficum. That's Latin." I wondered vaguely why I knew that, and why I knew what it said.

"Save us from danger, save us from evil. This was a gift my dad gave to my mom? Jesus, what were they expecting, to end up in the middle of a war?"

"You can read Latin?" I looked up at Renji.

"I guess so. Leftover skill." he blinked.

"Why the hell are you on the floor?"

"Um, well... haha, that's a funny story..."

"Spit it out."

"Goka came here and told me to come back with him. He told me that..." I looked as his face fell slightly, "Yeah that. Then this pain like someone shoving a nail into my head, then tapping lightly on it with a hammer just burst into my head. Then this humming noise. I don't know, but I had been standing up, and I fell down, and now I'm just way too lazy to get up." he scowled, then offered a hand. I grabbed it, and he pulled me up.

"Are you alright now? And no martyr crap." I grinned sheepishly.

"I'm fine now." he inspected my head, not believing me.

"Seriously! I'm fine. No martyr crap. Besides, if I was in pain, you'd be able to tell. Apparently you can read me like an open book."

"That is true. But I still don't believe you. You may_ think _you're fine, but you could have brain damage or something. Tons of people go with cancer until they die, not realizing they had it." I scowled at him.

"I'm fine. No worries. But I am hungry." a slight smile lighted his lips.

"So you still have Spiritual Pressure." I rolled my eyes, and he grabbed my wrist and flashed back to town. I closed my eyes until he tapped me. Pulling out of his grip, I ran toward the ashes and rubble of the my former house, and kicked around until I found a large cloth bag. Grinning, I picked it up and opened it. Inside, was a lot of yen. I tossed it back to Captain Abarai, and he caught it, surprised.

"I'm supposed to work today."

"You don't have to-"

"Do you like hearing me sing?" I questioned, still kicking around.

"Well, yeah, but-"

"Do you think other people like hearing me sing?"

"Yeah, but-"

"And why should I disappoint the crowd over there?" I jerked my thumb backward, then finally found what I was looking for. I lifted up the guitar, and strummed a few notes

"Ka- Yui, you don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"I want to. It makes people happy." I walked over to the crowd and sat down, Abarai following close behind.

"Unfortunately, my guitarist died." I started, responding to the questions flying about.

"So, I'll be playing a sadder song in tribute." I plucked a note, then started on the guitar intro.

"_Playground, school bell rings, again. Rain clouds come to play, again. Has no one told you she's not breathing. Hello, I am your mind, giving you someone to talk to. Hello._" I broke for a small break of guitar, then continued, "_If I smile, and don't believe. Soon, I know, I'll wake, from this dream. Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken. Hello, I am the lie. Living for you so you can hide. Don't cry_." I broke for more guitar solo.

"_Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping. Hello! I'm still here, all that's left of yesterday_." I looked up, and people were crying. I frowned, still not understanding.

"I explained this to you already." Abarai called from behind me. I looked back.

"I know that." people started tossing money, and I caught the few coins, then set them down inside my lap. I rechecked the strings, making sure they were all still tuned, then looked up.

"Any requests?"

"Breakeven." I squinted at the busty ginger in the back, who gave a quick smile to Abarai. Obviously a Shinigami.

"I may need some help with that one."

"You'll do fine." she encouraged. I sighed.

"'nother love song."

"_I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing. Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in. 'cause I got time while he got freedom. 'cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break even. His best days will be some of my worst. He finally met a girl that's gonna put him first. While I'm wide awake, he's no trouble sleepin'. 'cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven, even, no._

"_What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you, what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay. I'm fallin' to pieces, yeah. I'm fallin' to pieces. They say bad things happen for a reason. But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding. 'cause he's moved on while I'm still grieving. And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven, even, no. _

"_What am I supposed to do, when the best part of me was always you? What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay. I'm fallin' to pieces, yeah. I'm fallin' to pieces, yeah. I'm fallin' to pieces. Oh, you got her heart and my heart and none of the pain. You took your suitcase, I took the blame. Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains, ooh, 'cause you left me with no love and no love to my name._

"_I'm still alive but I'm barely breathin'. Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in. 'cause I got time while he got freedom. 'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break, no it don't break, no it don't break even, no! What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you? And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay? I'm fallin' to pieces. I'm fallin' to pieces. I'm fallin' to pieces._

"_Oh, it don't break even, no. Oh, it don't break even, no. Oh, it don't break even, no_." something ached inside me, so I pressed my lips together hard. The aching was fierce, like I was remembering something lost. I looked to the sky while people grieved over their broken hearts. There'd been an us. That was undeniable. Something happened...? I don't know. Something didn't end well.

"Have you ever been in a relationship like that?" I looked at the person. She looked like nine year old girl. I smiled.

"I think so. But I'm pretty sure he didn't break up with me. It's complicated." she frowned, and I pulled her closer to me.

"But I'll tell you a secret. It happened when I was alive, and the man it happened with is back there." I shrugged a shoulder backward, and she glanced over our shoulders.

"You should kiss him."

"I already have." I whispered.

"What are you two whispering about?" the little girl shrieked and pointed to me.

"It's all her!" I frowned playfully.

"Don't rat me out!" I whined. She giggled, then ran over to Abarai and he knelt down. She whispered something in his ear, and he turned bright red. She ran away giggling, and I smiled at her.

"What did she say?" he sat down beside me.

"Nothing." his face went scarlet again. I laughed.

"You are such a loser. What did she say?"

"What did she say to you?" he retorted. I rolled my eyes, and cupped my hands around his ear.

"It doesn't matter." I whispered. He chuckled.

"Whatever you say."

"Of course. Because I'm frickin' awesome." I blinked.

"Actually, thank you, strange little girl. I know what song I'm singing next."

People were starting to come back down to earth now, remembering where they were, and what they were doing. I started strumming lightly, and one by one, people turned back to me.

"_What day is it? And in what month? This clock never seemed so alive. I can't keep up. I can't back down. I've been losing, so much time. 'cause there's you, and me. And all of the people with nothing to do. Nothing to lose. And it's you, and me, and all of the people, and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you._

"_All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right. I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning I don't know where to go from here. 'cause there you, and me. And all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to prove. And that's you and me, and all of the people, and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you._

"_Something about you now. I can't quite figure it out. Everything she does is beautiful. Everything she does is right. 'cause theres you and me. And all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose, and it's you and me, and all of the people, and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you and me, and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to prove. And it's you and me, and all of the people, and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you._

"_What day is it? And it what month? This clock never seemed so alive_." a warm finger tipped my chin up, and Abarai pressed his lips to mine. The entire crowd sighed, and a few seconds in, a little girl pushed us apart, and her way onto my lap. I laughed.

"You happy now?" she squealed and hugged me backward. I heard a laugh, and Abarai looked up at the ginger, then turned red again.

"I forgot you were here." she grinned, then knelt down in front of me.

"Good luck."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he snapped. She grinned.

"He's a handful." she stage whispered.

"I think I can deal with it. I apparently did before." the woman blinked.

"Oh? You're the mysterious girl from before? He never did his job the first time he came back."

"Oh I bet he was terrible." I glanced at him, wondering if I could get my past out of this lady.

"So he never told me why he had to come back that first time." I glanced at him again, and he pulled me away from her.

"Nice try, Yui. Rangiku, she's not allowed to know about her past. No, she doesn't remember. Just really smart." I smiled evilly at him.

"Mister, I wanted to hear!"

"Well then I'll tell you." Rangiku whisked my little girl away, and I watched them go, then looked at him.

"Way to ruin my sneakiness."

"Way to be sneaky." he replied, smirking. I scowled lightly, and he smacked me in response, then we both watched the now familiar butterfly flutter over. He sighed and held out his hand for it to land, then put it next to his ear. Almost seconds into the message, he stiffened. Seconds after that, he got up.

"What are we-"

"Sorry guys, that's it for today. Rangiku!" he called. The woman looked up, nodded, and shunpoed off. I gripped onto him for my life as he followed suit, and stopped in his room.

"Stay. Right. Here."

"Because that went so well last time." I muttered. He sighed.

"Just stay. The walls are up by now."

"What?"

"I'll explain in a few minutes." and he was gone. I sat down on the bed, then laid back and looked at the ceiling.

"Another emergency. Feels like my life is full of those." I muttered, curling up on my side. Within seconds, I was asleep again.

**oOo**

A light touch on my shoulder woke me up, and I opened my eyes, confused for a moment, but a moment only, as my mind returned to reality.

"C'mon. One of the women in my division is giving you some clothes, so you need to change."

"Why do I need new clothes?" I questioned groggily, shielding my eyes from the bright light overhead. A low chuckled sounded.

"Because I have to take you on patrol with me?"

"Why. I was asleep."

"Because it's not safe to leave you alone." I sighed and rolled back onto my side. He let out a low laugh and lifted me up easily, then half dropped me. I shrieked, and he caught me again. I punched him and pushed away, letting myself drop hard to the floor.

"Did that feel good?"

"No, but you're an asshole."

"You could have just gotten up."

"No. I was tired. Just... fuck you. Where are the clothes?" he chuckled and pointed to his dresser. I pushed him out of the room, and changed quickly. They were a little tight fitting, but it was comfortable. I walked outside, and he gripped my shoulders.

"I've got to talk to my squad, just follow me." as I followed him into the sunlight, a scene truck me again, and I nearly stopped, but he pulled me after him. The way I used to know him, I guess. His hair was shorter, much spikier in the back, and didn't quite reach down to his shoulders in the pony tail. But now, it looked much more like a pony tail. Straighter, longer, more feathered. Nicer. And he had a black thing tied around his forehead now...

He waved a hand in front of my face and jumped.

"Hm?"

"Welcome back to the present." I blinked.

"How long was I zoned?"

"Few minutes." I shook my head.

"Sorry. I just remembered something..." he looked at me skeptically.

"Your hair used to be shorter. And your thingy used to be a towel." he smiled slightly, then turned to the clearing full of people in black.

"A dead people convention." I muttered under my breath. He chuckled, then attempted to get serious.

"Soul Society has been invaded by Ryoka. Again." a few groans slipped out from the crowd, and I grinned. They'd been around longer. This must happen a lot.

"These Ryoka, though, are not like Kurosaki Ichigo. These are the same Ryoka from earlier today. They are Hollow, and they are probably much more likely to initiate a fight." he paused.

"What are they after?" someone in the back called.

"What is this, a lecture?" I muttered again. Abarai looked at me, and everyone followed his gaze. My eyes widened.

"Don't stare at me! I don't look _that_ weird." quiet laughter sounded in the crowd, and Abarai rolled his eyes.

"We've got the outer most parts of the south west area to patrol. Outside ten rings. Disperse." everybody disappeared in a space of seconds, and I looked at him.

"Where are we going?"

"We, have to go up and down every single quarter of the rings. And we'll be starting on the outside."

"Is there a reason for that?"

"Oh shut up." he gripped my wrist and shunpoed off. I shut my eyes for two seconds, then opened them again, and walked beside him, looking around as we went.

"Walls, you said?" I questioned. He glanced downward at me.

"Seki seki stone. It blocks Spiritual Pressure, which is what gives us these Zanpakuto. It's also what the huge wall surrounded Seireitei is made of, to keep the Ryoka out."

"How the hell is a wall going to keep a bunch of Hollow out?" he smirked.

"There's a spherical barrier surrounding Seireitei as well. It takes something pretty hard to get in." I tripped over a crack, and he caught my waist, then pulled me upright.

"You're a disaster."

"We know this. So, supposedly, I'm safe here."

"Well, for now. Goka is after you. Last two times this happened, they managed to break in after some effort. But you sure as hell aren't getting touched by the creep, if I can help it." I looked at him thoughtfully.

"I really did mean something to you when I was alive, didn't I?"

"Both him and I." he murmured.

"This is infuriating, you know." I commented after he turned left and started on the second place, nodding to people as we passed.

"What is?"

"Everyone else, _but me_, is allowed to know about _my _past."

"It's for your own safety. Right now..." he paused for a moment, correcting the thought, "Well, before you, uh..." he obviously was having trouble saying the words.

"I get it, move on."

"Before, if the war just started, you had fair reasoning, not having attachments on either sides. You didn't know anybody from before you died. But now you know Goka and I, and we're on opposite sides. If we share you past with you, your judgement will be swayed, and we want you to have the free choice." I heard the unsaid, and sighed, not saying anything. "Of course, if you happen to choose Goka, we will kill you." He let out a quiet breath.

"Well then, here's to being clueless!" he glanced at me and chuckled.

"When this is over, I'll see if I can tell you. You may not remember still, but we'll see.


	4. Chapter 4

**Look! Look! I updated in exactly a week! I am still capable of doing things normally. However I have BAND CAMP next week, and as such will not have access to a computer/internet/most electronics. So my next update, perhaps, will be about Saturday or Sunday in two weeks. Sorry peeps, and thank you those who actually still read this!**

* * *

We'd been walking for hours now, when suddenly, a battalion of alarms sounded from the entirety of Seireitei. Shinigami from all over tensed and began looking around, hands on their swords. Abarai grabbed my wrist and flashed of in Shunpo. When he stopped, my vision swam, and I tried to stay upright, leaning against what I thought was a wall. Which turned out to be a railing. He gripped my elbow and forced me to lean on him. I closed my eyes.

"I hate you."

"So we've established. I've got to do something, and you're going to absolutely hate me for it."

"What are we doing?"

"I've got to take you around all of Seireitei, all of the rings." I looked at him oddly for a second.

"Weren't we _just_ doing that?"

"Well, we're going around the _entire_ ring now. This'll only take a few minutes with Shunpo, so get on my back." I walked behind him, and jumped, wrapping my arms around his neck, my legs around his waist. He gripped my legs tight with his elbows, then took off. I closed my eyes and tried to shrink, hiding my face in the dip of his neck, between the neck and shoulder. My fingers curled around his uniform shirt, gripping the material. I could feel the wind whipping around us, tearing at my hair and clothes. After a few minutes, the wind stopped, and I took a deep breath, not even considering releasing my grip.

"Yui..."

"Just give me a minute." I whispered. He chuckled, and I scowled and scratched him with one of my nails.

"Ow."

"Good. What are with those alarms?" I questioned, still not moving my face.

"Nothing you need to worry about." I picked my head up.

"That means I need to worry."

"I swear you actually remember everything." he muttered.

"Why?" I teased, "Because I know you like you're my husband or something?" what I said registered a second after I said it, and I turned bright red.

"Um... sorry..." he didn't say anything for a few minutes that felt more like half an hour.

"Just don't say it again. Please."

"No problem." I let go and landed lightly behind him on my feet, my face burning up. I'm sure it was a deep scarlet. Attempting to hide my face, I turned and looked about the room. It was a solid room, probably in the middle of a compound, with a large chair at one end. A hand encircled my wrist and started towing me towards the chair.

"You could just ask me to follow you." he didn't respond, instead forcing me to set down by the side of the chair.

"Don't move." he paused briefly, and I just watched conflicting emotions flicker across his face and through his eyes. Sadness, anger, love, determination.

"Bakudo Four, Hainawa." a yellow thing shot out of his hands and bound my arms to my body, then to the chair behind me.

"What the hell?" a torn look crossed his face, but then his expression went unreadable again. He started walking away.

"Abarai, you better release me right now!" he didn't respond, just stopped by the door, and disappeared completely. Anger surged through me, and I vaguely considered breaking this chair, but I knew I couldn't. Instead, I put my head on my knees and kept my face passive, thinking about how many ways I could injure or kill Abarai when I get out of here. I mean, what the hell was he _thinking_, leaving me here? Goka could probably easily break this rope thingy, and then what? I sure as hell can't fight him.

"Moron. Now I'm fucking screwed." I muttered. I don't know how long I sat there, I stopped counting the seconds after I hit ten minutes. I think I was there some length of time like six hours, before someone came in. I recognized him from Abarai's description.

"Shuhei." he stopped half way across the room, face incredulous.

"You remember me?"

"No. Sorry to disappoint. The asshole just told me what you look like." he chuckled and continued walking over.

"I take it you mean my captain?"

"Yeah. I'm not too happy with any of you right now." he sat down beside me.

"I wouldn't be either." he paused, "So how are you holding up?"

"Mm, pretty well, considering I haven't tried to break the chair yet. I don't even know why he did this, but my arms are starting to burn." he touched my shoulder, and the rope shattered. I stretched.

"Thanks."

"You can't leave the room. Do you understand?"

"Where the hell would I go? I'm probably safest in here. Besides, one of you would catch me before I got far." he chuckled.

"You'd figure something out. Anyway, I've got to go. I was only supposed to come in to check on you. Next time, I'll bring food."

"Much appreciated." I smiled, and he returned the smile, then left. My smile dropped, and I got up, then wandered around, wondering if this room was chosen for a specific reason.

Pressing my hands against the wall, I concluded that they were stone, definitely. But the more I looked, I located a window, up near the top of the room.

"So I'm not in the middle?" I murmured, wishing I could climb up there and looked out. Sighing, I turned and walked back to the chair, sitting down. I closed my eyes, and let myself drift until I fell asleep.

**oOo**

The sound of the door opening woke me up. I sat up straight and opened my eyes, watching Shuhei walk over with a tray.

"Did I wake you up?"

"Nope." I lied. He made a face.

"Yeah I did. Sorry. Here's your food." I took it from him and set it down on my lap.

"How long have I been in this god forsaken room?"

"About eighteen hours." I groaned.

"Kill me."

"No can do, Abarai would kill _me_." I rolled my eyes.

"I don't care much for him right now. Besides, I could take him." Shuhei laughed.

"I'll stick around to see that."

"Maybe you will some day." I commented, quickly downing the water, then picking at the noodles. He smirked, then just turned and started leaving. I scowled. _He knows something about my past too. _He got about four feet from the door when it blew open and off it's hinges. He dodged out of the way, and I jumped off the chair to avoid collision course. Quickly, I ducked behind the chair.

"I know she's in here."

"She's not."

"I can feel her, Lieutenant. If you won't give her up, I'll kill you, and take her by force." I recognized Goka's voice now, and tried to make myself shrink. Something bumped into my side, and before I could squeak, something invisible covered my mouth.

My eyes went wide, then Abarai flickered into view.

"Keep quiet. I need you to do something for me." I just looked at him.

"Shout 'Stop'." my eyebrows knit together.

"Please, just do it." his hand moved from my mouth.

"Why should I?" I hissed, "You left me in here!" he gripped my chin and captured my lips easily. Caught by surprise, my body reacted naturally, kissing him back until he pulled away.

"Please."

"I hate you." I muttered, then took a deep breath. Abarai glanced back to the front of the room.

"Now."

"Stop!" a crisp, cold feeling took over the room, and I glanced at him. He didn't move at all. Not even with a rise of the breath. Worry took over me, and I laid a hand on his arm. He blinked.

"Thank you."

"What did I just do?"

"Later. Just focus. Keep the cold feeling in the air." he climbed out from behind the chair.

"Let's go." I got back up and followed him out from behind, looking at Goka. Abarai whispered something in Shuhei's ear, and suddenly Shuhei was moving again.

"Bakudo Nine, Geki." Goka started glowing red.

"Um..."

"It paralyzes him. Double protection." Abarai picked Goka up easily, flipping him over his shoulder.

"Shuhei, grab her and hold on. She doesn't take well to shunpo. Follow me." Shuhei pulled me into him, and took off after Abarai. I closed my eyes, and tried to focus on the wind whistling in my ears. We came to a stop after a few seconds, and Shuhei released me. I opened my eyes, and watched Abarai set Goka down on the floor. I looked at all the other captains, and realized that all of them were present. I stepped back behind Shuhei to hide. He chuckled quietly and pushed me out in front of him.

"Keep your eyes on Goka."

"Can he hear us?" the old man at the front, whom I remembered Kohaku calling Captain Yamamoto. Shuhei elbowed me lightly.

"Oh. I don't know. Captain Abarai just told me to yell stop, and this happened." Yamamoto looked to Abarai, who nodded.

"Goka, you made a mistake coming in alone for the girl. You made a mistake challenging the Gotei Thirteen. You made many mistakes. And they will be the end of you." he nodded at Kuchiki Byakuya, who took two steps out, and raised his sword. I turned my face away, not wanting to see this. Half a second later, cold metal sliced through my gut, and I gasped, blood coming out on the gasp as well. Pain shot through my entire abdomen, and as soon as the blade withdrew, I dropped to my knees. My eyes connected with a nick on the floor, and I focused on that, trying to push the pain away. I would not be helpless.

"Stop right there." Yamamoto boomed. The footsteps continued retreating.

"Stop!" I cried. The cold chill returned, and I pushed myself to my feet, then ran around the room, touching everyone lightly on the shoulder except Goka and the man who'd stabbed me. Of course, all you could see was a blade, floating. I scowled.

"Make yourself visible." I commanded, voice firm. A snap sounded, and there was a second Goka.

"Are you the real Goka?" he nodded, clearly unhappy that I'd caught him in this trap. But he obviously had no chance at disobeying. Whatever this affliction was, I liked it.

"Who is the man on the floor?"

"A hollow of mine that can copy appearances, powers, and essentially the entire person." another bolt of pain shot through me, and my knees buckled. Warm, strong arms wrapped around my waist, holding my weight for me.

"Don't push yourself." Abarai's voice came in my ear. I took a deep breath. The hollow on the floor let out a strangled cry, which was cut off with the sound of spattering blood. I cringed, even though I was facing the other way. Abarai's arms tightened, and another pain shot through me. A small gasp slipped out, then I clenched my teeth.

"Anything else you guys want to know?" a short silence ensued.

"Ask if he is the head of the operation."

"Are you the head of the operation?" after a few second's hesitation, he shook his head. An air of tenseness settled over the room.

"Kill him." suddenly, Kuchiki was beside Goka, sword behind Goka's throat. Blood seeped out of his throat, and I jerked forward toward him. It felt like my heart dropped into the pits of my stomach, then suddenly, I _remembered. _Tears welled up in my eyes, and I didn't bother trying to support myself anymore. His head slid off and thumped to the floor, then disappeared into particles. The tears swelled over the brim of my eyes and trailed down my face. The dropped feeling turned to one more like someone had ripped out part of my heart. Renji slid me down to the ground and supported my back.

"We need to get you to the infirma- Are you crying?" he wiped off a tear, and I didn't respond, just watching Goka's body disappear.

"Yui, you barely knew him." I choked back a laugh.

"I knew him much better then barely." a pause.

"What do you mean?" I smiled and wiped away the tears with my sleeve, then pushed myself to my feet.

"I mean, I _remember_." the edge of the pain was gone, now, and I ran a hand through my hair.

"God this is so irritating." my hair had grown out to past my shoulders now, and I yearned for a hairband.

"How much do you remember?" Yamamoto asked. I looked at him, finding a sense of warmth in his eyes.

"I remember my fifth birthday, if that's what you mean. I remember watching Shougo die. The Hollow posed as my father. Fighting with that idget." I poked a finger at Renji. The room fell silent.

"Her Spiritual Pressure is more than double what it was before. How is that possible, by just remembering?" a short, black haired woman asked. I vaguely remembered Kohaku naming her Soifon.

"Well," a white and black skinned man with hair like a blue mane started, "her mind may have been subconsciously suppressing her Spiritual Pressure. And doubly, it could have been increasing all this time." the room fell silent, and I settled into resting all my weight on my left leg, because the injury was on the right side. In the silence, a sound reached my ear, and after a moment, I murmured along with it.

"Tick, tick, tick tick, tick, tick," Renji looked at me like I was crazy. Then I realized what the ticking probably was.

"Freeze!" everyone froze, and so did the ticking. I spun around and murmured, "Tick, tick, tick, tick. I hear you, where are you?" the window above me shattered, and I blocked my head as shards of glass showered over me, cutting up my arms.

Something heavy landed by my feet, and I glanced downward. There was two seconds left on the clock for the bomb. Just as the falling feeling started to hit, I cried, "Everyone get out!", then sunk into blackness.

**oOo**

I woke up to pure bliss, and wondered what the hell was wrong with me. Usually I wake up in an awful mood. I sat up, wary now. White bandages on my stomach crinkled, and I blinked. I'd been healed. Bending my elbows to grip the edges of the bed, I realized my arms were bandaged too. Little strips of red were everywhere, indicating blood that had seeped through. I pushed myself off the table, grateful for the fact that they'd simply ripped the stomach of the uniform off, instead of leaving me half naked. I ripped the rest of the sleeves off too so it was kind of like a sports bra. I headed straight for the door, then froze at the sound of something clattering to the floor. Slowly, I turned around, then breathed a sigh of relief at the sword, which I soon realized was covered in blood. Confused, I walked over to it and lifted it up, just as the door slammed open.

"Stand still, Kita. Hands up above your head." I raised my hand at the strange, unfamiliar voice. Suddenly, my wrists started burning, and I brought them down in front of me.

"Move your hands behind you." I stepped over them so the were behind me, still gripping the sword.

"This is the sword the witnesses reported. Take it to Captain." I glanced back.

"Am I under arrest?"

"For the murder of Captain Minami Yuudai of Squad Three." he jerked the sword out of my hands, then grabbed my hands, and shunpoed off. I struggled to keep up, after not using it for some time. When he stopped, my vision swam, and he shoved me into a cell. I stumbled and collapsed onto the floor, then cried out as I landed on my injured arm. The door shut and locked. I glared at the man once my vision straightened out.

"What evidence is there against me?"

"You were witnessed in the act. Wearing what you wear now, with the Zanpakuto in your room." I rolled my eyes. That'd never pass in the real world. He turned and left.

"Don't I get a lawyer or something?" I called after him, lifting my head off the floor. A pause in the footsteps.

"We'll see who comes to save you." and he was gone. I rested my head on the floor, and started banging it on the hardwood as hard as I could.

"Great! Just fucking great! I regain my memories, and then I'm fucking arrested for murder!"

"That's what this is about?" I looked up at Renji, groaned, and flipped over.

"Not in the mood to banter with you. I'm being tried for murdering someone, which'll get me killed. Again." then I blinked and flipped back over, then pushed myself onto my knees.

"Are those bandages I see?" I questioned, looking at the bottom of the V neck of his uniform. He didn't say anything, and I narrowed my eyes.

"What did you do?"

"After _you_ told everyone to run, you blacked out, correct?" I nodded slightly.

"And when you black out, your power turns off. The bomb went off." I blinked.

"So why am I not dead again?" then it all fell together, and fury burned through me.

"You fucking moron! Why the hell would you do that?" I was on my feet within seconds, pressed up against the bars.


	5. Chapter 5

Instead of yelling back at me for putting myself in danger first, his face remained passive, maybe a little somber. Suddenly, he cocked his head to the side a minuscule amount, a confused look on his face, trying to mask the somber expression.

"You don't completely understand how I feel about you." it was a statement, not a question or a suggestion. I just looked at him, not sure how to respond. The confused look disappeared, an exhausted one taking it's place.

"What?" I teased, "Tired of saving my ass?" he didn't even smirk.

"I can't get tired of saving your ass, Katsu. As long as you're in the smallest amount of danger, it'll be instinct to protect you. That's how it works with the people you love." I didn't understand what he was saying. Didn't men do that naturally, regardless of who the woman was? He sighed at the obvious confusion on my face.

"You're so thick headed."

"I vaguely remember this conversation having happened before, but reversed." he still didn't even give me a small smile. My usual reactions to serious situations weren't working to lighten the tone.

"Katsu... you are so thick, it's unbelievable..." he shook his head lightly, "I love you. I'm in love with you. I don't care how you want to say it. I want to stay with you forever. Protect you from every little danger in the world," we both gave a small smile at that, knowing that I'd fight with him on that, "God forbid I say this but eventually, yes, I want you to have my children." I fought a smile imagining little red heads running around with their hair pulled back into a pony tail. He obviously could tell what I was thinking, as a small smile lighted his lips.

"I want to grow old with you. When you died, I vaguely considered killing myself. I knew I wouldn't have a chance of finding you here." my jaw dropped, and he held up a finger to silence me, "I want to marry you someday. I want to fight along side you when you end up taunting someone into a fight. I want to _keep_ you from getting into that fight. I want to own twenty seven cats with you. One with short legs, one with no tail, and one with a scar across both of it's eyes." I grinned, "I want you, to be the woman that will live as long as me, with me." my arms shot through the bars, and gripped his uniform, pulling him toward me. I looked at him for half a second, then gave a small, sad, smile, and pressed my lips to his. His lips moved naturally with mine, like we'd been doing this for a hundred years. Small, slow, simmering fires burned under my lips, and I closed my eyes, wishing this feeling could last forever. After a couples minutes, I eventually pulled away, and rested my forehead against his. Eyes still closed, I took a deep breath, and pulled reassurance in from the warmth coming off him.

"I'm proud of my thickness, thank you. It probably saved me from remembering anything sooner." I paused as he chuckled, then smiled slightly again, "I love you too. I'm in love with you. I really don't care which way you say it, both are true. I'd keep those twenty seven cats. I'd hold you to your word about marriage. I'd hold you to your word about little red headed children with tattoos running around." he must've registered the _I'd_ instead of _I'll_. "But the truth is, I'll probably get executed for this murder. It was a captain, and for all I know, I did do it, in an unconscious state. And unless we can get people to testify to me being unconscious, I've got no alibi. I'm screwed." he was silent for a moment, hands resting on my waist through the bars.

"I will figure this out. And we'll turn those _would_s into _will_s."

"And you'll have help." both of us pulled away from the other, faces turning bright red. We faced Unohana, almost ashamed at being caught in such an intimate position.

"Don't be afraid to show affection in public." she smiled kindly, and I felt my face get hotter. My eyes traveled anywhere but her and Renji.

"I was with you the time of the murder, and for three hours before. There are seven people who witnessed me going in, and twelve who witnessed me coming out, along with one stationed outside your window to make sure no one broke in. I think that's enough to prove an alibi. As for the weapon, it was not there for the four hours I was. Someone could have slipped in under the pretense of checking up on you and stolen it, then posed as you, then returned it after I left. It is not impossible to clear your name. This would be an easy way to get you to Sokyoku Hill. Just before execution, a powerful enough Hollow could get you free, and take you to Hueco Mundo." my gaze returned to her. This sounded solid, which _would_ free me.

"We'll see about it at the hearing." she smiled, then disappeared. I felt the heat rise to my cheeks again, then turned and stalked toward the window to glance out, wondering what time of day it was.

"It's night. And your window is blocked." I sighed and turned back around, then raised my hands. He shook his head.

"Too 'dangerous'." the quotations were apparent in his voice. I withheld my next sigh, and wandered back over to the bars, but stayed a foot away, not liking the feeling they were giving off.

"Ignore the feeling, and come over here." I looked at him for a long minute, then closed the gap. His hands lighted on my waist and he captured my lips again. Obviously not discouraged from being caught in the act. After a few minutes, I pushed him off.

"Enough. I don't want to be tempted to go further."

"Why not? I'll break you out." his eye twinkled, and I narrowed my eyes, then kicked him in the shin. He winced, but stood firm, smirking.

"Because I'm pretty sure you enjoy having a job, and a life, and if you get killed for treason, that's going to make it pretty hard for us to turn those woulds into wills." his smirk dropped into a scowl and I made a face.

"Now after... that's something else to consider..." his eyes were alive again, and I turned around and walked away from the bars.

"What?"

"You are _such _a guy."

"Come on, Katsu."

"Nope. Not another word from you. Go help Unohana."

"One more?" I looked at him for a moment, then shook my head.

"Nah. You can wait." he made a face.

"I'm holding you to that."

"We'll see." he disappeared, and I sat down on the bed.

**oOo**

A while later, someone shoved a tray through the bars, and I scowled.

"How am I supposed to eat with my hands tied together?" I called as they walked off.

"Figure it out." they responded nonchalantly. Anger surged through me again, and I fought it off, then looked at the food tiredly. I didn't really feel like getting up. This was the first time they'd fed me in days, and I just couldn't muster the energy to get up. Footsteps padded into the area, and a disapproving sigh. The handcuffs shattered, and I held up my raw and bleeding wrists, looking at them, then at Renji.

"Eat the food. It should be fine as long as I'm watching you." I climbed up off the bed, picked up the tray, then sat back down, and slowly ate, watching him watching me. I paused halfway through chugging my water.

"Do you have to stare at me?"

"You look like skin and bones, and it's only been a few days." then I realized his stare was more of a calculating gaze.

"Most Shinigami eat more often then you, true, but if we don't eat for a few days, we don't deteriorate that fast. I'm wondering if using your affliction like you did burns more energy, that you didn't get to replenish." a few more seconds of staring.

"I'm getting you more food."

"Renji, don't."

"I can't come in here and see you like this! You look like you're going to pass out." _Feel like it too_, I realized sadly. I was in worse shape than I'd thought. I'd probably been running on my small amounts of fat on my body.

I carefully kept my face neutral, showing neither agreement nor disagreement. If I showed agreement, he'd go without another word. If I showed disagreement, he'd start arguing again, and I really just wanted a nap right now. I let my eyes fall to the floor, thinking. I didn't feel too skinny...

"Go get me more food." with that, I laid back down and faced the wall. Minutes later, he was back, and I flipped over, then ate quickly.

"Anything else you're going to chastise me about?" footsteps neared, and then the burning handcuffs were back on.

"Captain Abarai, we need you to leave. It's time for the trial."

**oOo**

Standing near the door of the long room where we'd caught 'Goka', I kept my eyes only on Yamamoto, not daring to look at the accusing gazes, the empty spot, or Renji. I knew exactly what he'd look like. I could see it in my mind's eye. His face would be blank, expressionless, but his eyes would be filled with worry, conflicting emotions flitting around. They wouldn't be warm chocolate coloured, they'd be more like dark chocolate coloured, with an undertone of gold. Like a back light.

I shook my head slightly to clear the vision away. No need to be making myself feel sorry for him being worried. That wasn't going to help me get through this. And me not getting through this, wouldn't help him not be worried.

"Katsu Kita, you are aware of the charge laid against you?"

"Yeah."

"If found guilty, you will be executed. You are aware of this?"

"Yeah." _Wouldn't be the first time I've been killed_. I knew Renji was thinking the same, and I could almost feel his pain. I blinked. I didn't _almost_ feel his pain. I _had_. As this realization hit me, I glanced up at him and met his gaze. He hadn't realized. I almost sighed out of relief, then turned back to Yamamoto, trying to shove his feelings to the back of my mind.

"Do you plead guilty or not guilty?"

"Not guilty."

"The evidence against you," he paused as a man clothed in all black walked in, holding my sword.

"Your Zanpakuto, only your finger prints found on it." I refused to cringe, as I felt Renji do.

"Seven witnesses who claim to have seen you there." I watched Kuchiki take a few steps back to join a group of six, and ground my teeth, to keep from groaning. I really needed to get away from Renji, or figure this out.

"Defend yourself." I closed my eyes briefly.

"I was unconscious at the time of the murder. Captain Unohana was there for three hours prior, one hour after. Seven people witnessed her going in, twelve witnessed her going out." I glanced around, waiting for someone to suggest me sneaking out the window.

"The window. She could have snuck out." Soifon spoke up.

"There was someone stationed outside the window too." I replied, then nodded to Unohana, who stepped forward.

"Our witnesses to her never leaving the room." a group of twenty people clustered behind her, and I forced pity from my mind.

"Also, I can attest to the fact that her Zanpakuto was not in the room, for the four hours I was. If a Hollow could impersonate her, it could easily impersonate one of my people, and enter her room under the pretense of checking up on her, and taken it back out." a collective gasp sounded at the mention of a Hollow.

"Do you have any evidence to support your theory of a Hollow?"

"I'm not finished, Captain Commander." she smiled kindly at him, and I knew _I_ would've been scared.

"I theorized that this is a ploy. Murdering a captain is sure to get her executed on Sokyoku Hill. After seeing the Espada, I personally believe it is not impossible for, before she get's killed, a Hollow to pull her out of the restraints and return to Las Noches." another collective gasp. I rolled my eyes this time, not able to stop myself.

"As for my evidence, there were traces of unfamiliar Hollow Spiritual Pressure by her body, that was not Goka's. And, all over the Zanpakuto if you feel for it." a pause.

"She's right." this voice surprised me, as Kuchiki spoke out. Whispers shot around the room, and I connected gazes with Renji again, feeling a wave of relief hit me. My eyes narrowed slightly. _I'm going to have to talk to him about that_. He gave me a confused look, and I shook my head, then looked back to Yamamoto.

"Soifon?"

"Not guilty."

"Unohana?

"Not guilty."

"Kuchiki?"

"Not guilty."

"Komamura."

"Guilty." _GASP_. I laughed quietly. I knew _someone_ had to call me guilty.

"Kyoraku."

"Guilty."

"Abarai?"

"Not guilty." I shot him a look that said, "You sure you don't wanna revise that?" And he scowled at me.

"Hitsugaya."

"Guilty."

"Zaraki."

"Guilty."

"Kurotsuchi."

"Guilty."

"Ukitake."

"Not guilty." I blinked.

"That's a tie?" I responded. Yamamoto looked long and hard at me.

"Katsu Kita, you are cleared of your charge. A captain's meeting will take place in ten minutes time. No one is to leave the room." people scattered, and before I could take four steps, arms wrapped around my shoulders and held me tight. I laughed.

"Let go of me! I need to talk to you, and I can't do that if you're squishing me!" I ducked out of his grip and grinned, knowing that some of this enthusiasm was coming off him. He smirked.

"You really think you can get away from me?"

"Don't act childish in front of your colleagues. Anyway, keep your emotions to yourself." he looked offended for a moment, and I scrambled to find the right words.

"Not like that! I mean, I could _feel_ what you were feeling. The entire time. Keep 'em under key." his expression rose into a smirk again, and I rolled my eyes. He pulled me back into him, wrapping both of his arms around my waist. I grinned and laid my arms around his neck.

"A fine woman indeed, Abarai." I glanced to my left at a man who I recalled was Kyoraku. He'd named me guilty. I have him a hard look, and he grinned.

"You have to understand, you still seemed guilty." then a thought occurred to me, and I pulled in close to Renji, then whispered, "I need to see the body." he looked at me incredulously, and I smiled sweetly.

"You're insane."

"I have an idea. Where is Kuchiki-sama...?" I let go and pulled out of his grip, walking over to the noble.

"Kuchiki-sama." I bowed.

"Pardon me, but you were a witness to the murder, correct?"

"Yes." his face and expression felt like they were sucking the life out of me. I tried to keep a straight face.

"Did Minami-sama see 'me' kill him?"

"Yes." I grinned widely.

"Thank you." then I headed for Yamamoto. Renji was at my side in seconds, pulling me off my course.

"What?"

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I have an idea. Just trust me."

"Then tell me, please." he pleaded.

"I can control things that aren't alive too. Remember the sandwich that I froze? It's only a guess, but maybe I can question the body." he blinked.

"You're not going without me."

"Alright." I pulled him after me and went straight up to Yamamoto.

"Kita."

"Yamamoto-sama." I bowed again, and paused, wondering if I could actually do this. Renji's hand found it's way to mine, and he gave a light squeeze. I sighed.

"Okay. My powers are not limited to control of only living things. I can control non living things, like sirens, water, sandwiches. Stuff like that. So I was thinking, could I question the body?" after a few nervous seconds, he responded.

"After the meeting." the room fell silent, and Renji pulled me gently to his spot. After everyone settled in, Yamamoto began.

"We need to find out who the leader of the Hollow is." I realized what had happened then. We _could've_ asked Goka, but Yamamoto had him killed before we could. He'd realized that too. He continued setting up a plan, and I retreated into the recess of my mind, trying to dispel my sense of incoming doom. Then a small, almost unnoticable Spiritual Pressure appeared. But it was one I recognized.

My head shot up, and my stomach felt hollow. My feet carried me toward the door swiftly, but a thundering boom stopped me.

"Where do you think you're going?" I stopped, hand on the handle of the door. I looked back and pulled as much of a deadly tone as I could.

"He's here."

"Who is?"

"The man in charge."

"How do you know?" I spun around.

"Are you serious?! Why are you questioning me right now? Feel for it, damn it! Feel the small, _Shinigami_ spiritual pressure? That was _always_ there when I was with Goka. Whoever that is, he's in charge." The room fell silent after my outburst, and everyone looked to Yamamoto with shocked faces, while his was grim.

"It's Yuudai's." I turned around and headed out the door, nobody bothering to stop me. But I could hear the arguing since I left the door open.

"We have to stop her! She's going to get herself killed!" Renji cried.

"She can lead us to him." Yamamoto decided firmly.

"Follow her." and with that, I took off at the fasted shunpo I could manage. Everything was a blur, and I skidded to a halt in seconds, throwing up a cloud of dust and dirt in the clearing.


	6. Chapter 6

**Yes I know I can't update regularly. It's not like a purposely avoid it, it's just not the first thing on my mind and all. Suddenly there is a huge thing called MARCHING BAND I have to deal with. :P**

**My editor's comment was that this is getting dramatic. I kind of have to agree. Add in the fact that these are all starting to blur together into one massive brick in my mind, and I want to curl up in a hole. ;3 Enjoy.**

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The dust settled, and I looked across the clearing at the man standing there. His hair was blonde, tied into a low ponytail at the base of his neck, with once kind gray eyes. Now, they were empty. His complexion was tanned and smooth, not even a scar apparent. He still wore his Shinigami uniform.

"Confused?" he mused out loud, heading toward me. I kept my face passive. Expressionless. He will not provoke me. All was silent as he walked toward me, and I could hear everyone else join me, Renji wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me behind him. Yuudai smirked, and I instinctively closed my eyes.

"Rear your head, Kyofujittai." I heard gasps and cries. Screams echoed off the trees surrounding, and I tried to block it all out. Renji's arm slipped from around my waist, and I placed my hands over my ears. After a minute, I opened my eyes, then returned to my confident stance. Everyone around me looked like they were dead. My gaze lingered on Renji at my feet, and I dropped down onto my knees to check for a pulse. There was none.

Fire like no other burned through me, and I stood up. No feelings of despair this time. Yuudai's smirk fell.

"I like that fire in your eyes." he paused for a moment, and started walking toward me. I stepped over Renji and stood, feet apart, ready to tear this man apart.

"My zanpakuto is called Kyofujittai. Fear Entity. It shows a person what they fear the most. Not what they fear to happen. Something, that truly, would scare them to death. Thus, this carnage." he gestured at the crowd, now only feet in front of me.

"And, I have no doubt what you see. He's dead." he looked at Renji, but I kept my eyes trained on his face, trying to tame my anger.

"And he really is. Which means you see nothing. But just in case..." he raised his sword, and fury ignited again. My world became engulfed in black light. I squinted, and felt something materialize on my right ring finger. The black light died down, and I investigated my hand. A gold band fit snuggly onto my finger, decorated with a simple green design. Words glowed red over the design, and I whispered, "Steal, Sourusutira." The words faded to black, and I glanced up at Yuudai. He laughed.

"A ring? You get a ring, with that burst of Spiritual Pressure?" he laughed, and I spun around and grabbed Zabimaru from it's sheath.

"I don't know how these work, but I can pray."

"Howl, Zabimaru." the sword glowed black, and turned into the multitoothed, segmented blade I recognized. Yuudai stopped laughing, eyes wide with interest.

"That shouldn't have worked."

"Oh but it did. And now, I have a weapon." I flew at him with all my speed and slung the sword down. The segments expanded and caught him straight across the chest. Blood flew from the wound, and I pulled the sword back, slicing in deeper. The segments came back together, and my grip tightened on the hilt. Yuudai glared at me.

"You shouldn't have done that."

"Try me. I'm vengeful." he gripped the blade of his sword.

"Bankai." a huge blue burst of Spiritual Pressure went up, and I dug Zabimaru into the ground to hold my place. Winds whipped past me, tearing at my clothes. I squinted into the burst, and when it went away, fear flooded me. Yuudai's clothes had been replaced by an all black kimono, with little highlights of maroon here and there. His hair was black, and his eyes were too. In his hand lay a black, simple, double ended scythe. Fear so strong hit me that I wanted to drop the sword and run away screaming. He smirked.

"Scared?"

"You can only wish." I spat. He started walking toward me, and the fear intensified.

"Strange. I can't even see the fear in your eyes. Are you really not afraid?"

"Truly and unequivocally." and with that, I flew at him, bracing my sword against his scythe.

"Do take care not to get cut."

"I'll keep that in mind." I shoved off him, sending me into a backflip and him into the trees. He was back in seconds, hacking at me with the scythe. I shunpoed behind him and swung hard, catching his back. Fear jolted up the sword, but I held my ground. I felt like I was staring death in the face, with the fear resonating through me. He spun around and knocked the sword away. I pulled it back toward me and watched him for a moment. When he disappeared, I waited for my fear to get stronger, then spun around and blocked his attack, his scythe glancing off the more solid weapon. I flashed backward, took a deep breath, then flashed to Kyoraku and dropped Zabimaru, grabbing his sword. The Shikai command it seemed I knew. By picking it up, it must get entered into my memory.

"When the Flower Wind Rages, the Flower God Roars, When the Wind of Heaven Rages, the God of the Underworld Sneers." I crossed them, and black light surrounded me again. When it cleared, I was holding two huge scimitars. And I knew the game I wanted to play.

"Irooni. Black." I flew at him and hit him hard in the shoulder. A huge slash appeared down from his shoulder and blood flew, spattering me and coating the grass. He stumbled, then smirked.

"Black." I dodged away from him, knowing exactly what would happen if he hit me. It would hurt, a hell of a lot more. Suddenly, as we were on opposite sides, a wall of flames flew up around him and capped off. I looked around, distracted, and felt the scythe rip through my shoulder. Pain like no other tore through me, like someone was ripping my arm off, slowly, then poring acid over it. I cried out, and another wall of flames shot up around us, much hotter than the other one had been. It capped off, and I came to my knees. Yuudai disappeared again, probably coming out on fire. The wall died down, then disappeared, and I shoved to the scimitars into the ground and pushed myself to my feet. I turned around and looked at Yamamoto, whose eyes were narrowed.

"We'll investigate your Zanpakuto later." I nodded and grabbed Zabimaru, then returned it to Renji.

"Are they all dead?"

"None of them are."

"But-"

"You saw what your greatest fear was. But you've already experienced it, so it had less effect on you. As for the rest of us, it was enough to knock us out, and send them into a fear fueled dream."

"And how are you awake?"

"I can conquer my fear. We have to wake them up." I limped toward Renji, still carrying Kyoraku's swords, and shoved them into the ground, then used them to lower myself to the ground. With my little strength left, I punched him as hard as I could manage in the chest. His breath caught and his eyes flickered open.

"One." I pushed myself up, and turned to Yamamoto.

"Can I do that for everyone?"

"Don't hurt yourself more." I nodded, then moved on to Kuchiki and punched him, then Komamura, then Soifon, Toshiro, Kenpachi, Mayuri, and Ukitake. I dropped down in front of Kyoraku last, as I had been using his swords as crutches. Dropping down, I hit him harder than the others, my energy sapped. He did the same thing. Breath caught, eyes flickered open. He sat up.

"My zanpakuto?"

"Don't ask." I pushed myself to my feet and left them in the ground, then turned and started for Renji. Two steps into the walk, everything went away.

**oOo**

I couldn't see anything in front, behind, or around me. It was like walking blind. On a tread mill. No matter where I went in this black land, the ground under my feet never changed. I could see my entire body, but nothing else. There was no sounds, other than my walking, my breathing. No scents at all. There simply was, nothing. Until the sound of tinkling bells reached my ears. I spun around, and ran toward to sound, until it sounded right in front of me. A woman stepped out of the shadows, and they melted off her, almost like water rolling off a person. Her hair was pitch black, and hung to her waist in waves. Her skin was white as a dead person's, and her eyes deeper than eternal blackness. Her lips were full, but pale pink. She was shapely, wearing a black camisole, black, leather skinny jeans, and black, medium height boots with silver buckles and three inch stilettos. Around her neck rested a black cord, with a silver sword pendant hanging down, and on her wrist was a silver bracelet with small, tinkling bells. She took a step to close the space between us, and I just looked at her.

"You look like Death." I finally managed. She laughed, a light, airy sound. Pleasant, almost.

"I should. I'm your Zanpakuto. Soul Stealer. That ring." She pointed to the ring on my finger.

"It's pretty fucking useless." she fell deadly serious.

"I wouldn't say that, considering it saved your life against Yuudai. Zanpakuto have Souls, yes? Obviously, since I'm here. So, that ring, allows you to use anyone's Zanpakuto to it's fullest extent. Without it, you would've been dead or kidnapped. Be happy." I blinked.

"What if I'm alone then? If there is no one's Zanpakuto to force into compliance?" she laughed again, and I realized it sounded like the bells on her wrist.

"You'll find out."

"So why do you look like that?"

"I steal Souls. Who else does that?"

"Death."

"Exactly. I looked like Death, because I am essentially borrowing his abilities to take and force Souls to do things. Now, I believe someone is about to cause you pain, so I'll leave you be." she stepped back, and the shadows welcomed her back, hiding her. The sound of bells faded, and I waited, then screamed with the pain that ripped through my body, like I was being torn in half.

**oOo**

My eyes flickered open with the pain, but I didn't scream in the waking world. I bit my lip hard, which split open and the taste of blood entered my mouth. Someone was touching my shoulder, where Yuudai hit me. I let my head fall to the side, and spit, watching the crimson coloured spit splatter against the floor.

"You're awake?" I looked at Unohana.

"I always end up in here." she smiled.

"It's not necessarily a bad thing. You protected everybody there. The question is, would you have given your life?"

"Yes." my answer was quick, no thought needed. I hadn't planned on protecting everybody, but for the one person I was definitely protecting, I would have.

"Well, Abarai isn't very happy about that." she commented lightly, starting to heal the injury. I sighed, then winced.

"How long have I been out?"

"A day or two. We had to stop the bleeding, and this keeps reopening."

"How long will this take?"

"Half an hour." and so I sat, for forty five minutes. She left, leaving me with the instructions, to not be rough. I sat there for maybe another ten minutes, before the door opened again. I glanced over at Renji, and he had his arms around me within seconds. The hug was tight, and warm, but I could feel him holding back. I sighed and closed my eyes, relishing in his warmth.

"If you're afraid to hurt me, don't be." his hug tightened.

"I'm terrified of hurting you, Katsu." he pulled away and looked at me, eyes and expression intense.

"You're always getting hurt because of me. Because of what I've pulled you into." a sense of goodbye accompanied his words, and I felt my heart harden before the hurt could come. He opened his mouth to continue, but I slid off the bed, and opened the door.

"Get out." he looked at me, confused.

"You're saying goodbye. You're going to leave me alone for my own good, because I'll be safer. And if that's how it's going to be, might as well start now. Get out." he left without another word, and I shut the door, slid down against it, and burst into tears.

**oOo**

I steeled my nerves, once again, before heading outside of my room in Rangiku's division. In the three weeks I've been here, guys hit on me every single day, and each time it brought another wave of depression. But I fought it, and no one knew. So it was okay. I took a quick glance around, then shunpoed off to the Rukon. Wandering among the shops gave me something to do. It was something I didn't have to invest any emotion into. There wasn't much emotion left to invest, anyway.

Wandering along the right side of the street, I glanced inside shops, stopping in front of a jewelry store. A sign caught my eye.

"We make copper pendants!" a spark of something caught inside my chest, and I paused to assess this inkling of emotion. An emotion I hadn't felt in a while. Curiosity. Clearing my mind, I headed inside and walked up to the counter.

"Can I see templates for the designs on copper pendants?" the lady smiled and brought out a book. I sat down on a bench and flipped through, stopping right on the page with the wolf and the compass thing. My heart did a flip. My father had given my mother a necklace, made in Soul Society. I stood up abruptly and shut the book, thanking the woman mechanically, and heading out onto the street again. The hollow feeling was returning. The one I'd had to fight so hard for the first few days. The feeling that my whole life was empty, had been a lie. My father had probably been a Shinigami. Defected from Soul Society.

I tried to block out the feeling.

"So what if he was a Shinigami? He's dead. That doesn't change _anything_." I continued walking, slight anger rising to my cheeks.

"How could he have just lied to me like that? To us? To his entire family?" in my frustration, I shunpoed back to the twelfth division and went straight for the archives. I passed Renji on the way in, and ignored him. Ignored the way my heart fluttered. The way my senses seemed alive with electricity. The way my heart fell.

I went straight for records of people, and pulled down the first book I could find. I was almost positive my father wouldn't keep the same name. He's not that stupid.

Four hours later, and only into the second row of books, someone cleared their throat.

"What are you looking for?" my fingers froze, mid page turn. I hurried to collect myself.

"I don't need your help." I'm sure he noticed the fact that I said _your_. I didn't want his help, but I'd take someone else's.

"Clearly you do. You've been here four hours, Katsu." I grit my teeth. How could he just say my name like that?

"Well," I snapped, "If you know where a list of people who've defected from Soul Society would be, I'll take that." Even I knew I'd been too harsh. Renji was still soft. He'd do anything for me, if I asked, but he didn't want to be close friends. But I didn't even want to be acquaintances right now.

He left, and I listened to Rangiku's chastising voice in my head. _You can't be so hard on him_, she'd scold, _He is only doing what he thinks is best for you. Besides, he's trying to help you on your quest!_

"I don't want _his_ fucking help." I grumbled. Seconds later, he was back, handing me a piece of paper. I scanned it, but only one name really caught my eye. Well, two.

"Kurosaki Isshin? Damn."

"That's all you were looking for?" I glanced up at him.

"No. Go the hell away." I snapped again. He left silently.

"Yeah. You better feel bad, asshole." I turned back to the list. Dad had always talked about his best friend when he was a kid. His friend's name had been Takenaka Takuma. Who's name conveniently showed up on here.

I stood up and grabbed the first T book, then quickly found Takenaka Takuma. He'd lived here some four hundred years ago, and defected right after becoming a Lieutenant. And right beside his thing, was Dad's picture. The interesting thing, though, said that he had a wife. A wife, that _did_ have my mother's name.


	7. Chapter 7

**I apologize for the lateness of this, but my editor blew up again and I was waiting. She hasn't responded in a while, so I guess I'll just put this up. Apologizing in advance for any grammatical, continuity, or other issues.**

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The silence of the archives became too loud. I got up, shoved the book roughly back into place, crumpled up the paper, and trashed it while I walked out, then shunpoed out of that place as fast as I could. I knew some time in the next few minutes, I would completely collapse and start crying. It was as usual for me. Everything had come crashing down, and my walls were gone, for now. The reality of my situation was hitting me hard, like it always did. I stumbled finally, in the woods, rolled, and came to a stop by a pond. I sat up, and just looked at the surface. A beautiful simplicity lurked there, and it made me want to cry even more than I already did.

Let me tell you a story, dear reader. Because I'm writing this a while after this actually happened. See, in a sense, to me, it was like I'd been rejected. Albeit by someone I was in love with, but I'd been rejected. And that's only happened twice before.

The first time was in second grade. I'd like this kid for a really long time. He was a new kid. American. His name was Jacob. Anyway, I think I liked him from the first day of school, all the way to the end. And on the last day of school, I finally got up the courage to ask him out. And do you know what he said? He said no, obviously. But his reason was what got me. He said I was ugly. Fat. Too short. And an awful person. What do you think eight year old Katsu thought then? She believed him. And ate one meal a day, for the rest of the summer. And started in on the makeup wearing. Essentially, like I was before Tatsuki changed me back into a human.

The second time is the more relevant one, in this case. It was this kid, whose name I've blocked from my memory. I liked him in seventh grade. I fell in love with the _idea _of him in eighth. I asked him out in ninth. I was in love with the idea of this kid, because, well, he was nice. He was funny. He was cute. He was _taller _than me. He helped me through all of my problems. He was the kind of guy I could see myself marrying. And I wanted that. The greedy little bitch I was. I wanted him, and every time he went out with someone, I got furious and refused to talk to him until he broke up with her. Of course, I dated people too during that time, but he never made a fuss. Anyway, in ninth grade, I asked him out. And he, obvious again, said no. Why this time? Because I'd isolated him for two years. He had been in love with me, for real, and I'd toyed with him. I'd dated people, but he wasn't allowed to date, because he was mine. He'd waited, and waited for me just to ask him out, or for me to be single for more than a day, but no. He never got a chance. And it broke my heart.

And so, this third time. This was especially hard to take, because of the pretenses. And I'd been crying a lot these three weeks. It's like the smallest things triggered tears.

So, sitting by this pond, I burst into tears for the first, and only, time tonight. Full out sobbing. You'd think I'd run out of tears, but no. You'd think my body would get used to the agony. Nope.

After a few hours, I realized the sun had gone down, and wondered if Rangiku was going to try and find me. She did occasionally. Other times I just wandered back at three in the morning. But something felt off. Considering I'd just been staring at the pond for an hour, I knew it didn't look like I'd been crying anymore, so I got up, and started the walk back. I was surprised to find the entire barracks alight. Not on fire, but it was definitely bright. I wandered in, confused, and Captain looked straight at me, then his face relaxed a little, and he walked over.

"Are you stupid?!" he yelled. I cringed.

"What's even going on?"

"Kuchiki Rukia, and Shuhei Hisagi have been kidnapped. We thought you were too." I froze. _Shuhei..._

"We have to go find them. We _have _to."

"We will." I paused.

"Take me... Take me to where they were last seen."

"I can't baby you, Kita." and he walked away. I scowled, then shunpoed off to Rukia's division. She'd probably be in bed at this time, so I wandered into her room and paused, looking around. After a few moments, I closed my eyes and felt for her Spiritual Pressure. Once I picked it up, I shunpoed off after where it led.

And skidded to a halt in the clearing where I fought Yuudai. There was a fresh patch of blood, that was Shuhei's by the feel, but the Spiritual Pressure's stopped. I cursed, then shunpoed back and skidded to a halt in front of Captain. He didn't acknowledge me. I scowled. That only left one person to go to. Steeling my nerves, I shunpoed to squad nine, and ran toward Renji, sliding to a stop and panting to catch my breath. He just looked at me curiously. After a minute, I straightened up.

"Yuudai took them." I panted. His eyes narrowed.

"How do you know?"

"I tracked Rukia's Spiritual Pressure to the clearing where I got my ass handed to me on a silver plater." he looked like he was about to argue that, but stopped.

"Stay here." I narrowed my eyes.

"No." _I'm going to have serious withdrawal later. Renji withdrawal._

"Katsu-"

"No. Just, no. You got your ass _kicked_ last time you faced that guy. If you find him again, you're going to need me. I'm the only one who's already seen their fear happen." he narrowed his eyes.

"I don't believe that. Are you immune to it? Is that your Zanpakuto's power?" I clenched my hand into a fist, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. Never have I wanted to hit someone so bad. Except maybe Goka.

"No. If you need to know, it was you dying. If you don't take me with you, you're going to get your ass kicked again." I blinked.

"Where is Kyo?"

"He went home. What do you mean you saw me die?" I shot him a look.

"I don't like you right now. In fact, I'm seconds away from punching you. So stop interrogating me." a look of shock crossed his face.

"You do _not _understand how hard it is for me to be here right now. But Captain won't talk to me because he thinks I'm a delinquent. So you _need _to take me with you."

"No. Just go back to your room, and stay." I scowled, plan forming quickly. He obviously knew the look in my eye, and was about to say something, but I shunpoed back to my room, and waited.

Ö

An hour later, everyone was asleep. I got up, and opened my door quietly, then took off for Mayuri's lab. I located the thing that makes Garganta's, and turned it on, then walked through, and didn't look back.

Ö

Let me tell ya. Hueco Mundo is _really _boring. But the Shinigami had no chance of finding me now. I shunpoed for long periods of time, with only very short breaks, hoping I met no Hollow. Then I ran straight into Las Noches. Literally, actually. I ran into the big dome that surrounds it. Scowling, I scaled up it, and dropped in the roof, landing easily onto a tower. Nobody seemed to have noticed my entrance. I broke into the tower below me, and much to my surprise, found Rukia and Shuhei locked up, just there. I stared at them both for a minute.

"You're both real, correct?" they both nodded.

"Rukia, when was the last time you saw me before I died?"

"Beach."

"Shuhei?"

"In your apartment." I nodded.

"Anyone got a sword?"

"You can't do anything to the lock though." Rukia slid me hers, and I smirked.

"Steal, Sourusutira." the blade iced over at my words, and I hacked the lock off. The door swung open easily.

"How did you activate my Zanpakuto?"

"It's how my Zanpakuto works." I wiggled my fingers, showing off the ring, then giving the blade back.

"Now, I popped straight in from the roof above." footsteps echoed up the hall, and I turned around quickly, before hissing, "Freeze!" the sound halted before it turned the corner, and I walked over and looked at Yuudai.

"I should kill you right now, but I don't think we'll have enough time. Guys, get out of here!" I forced some of my compulsion, if you will, into my voice, and they were gone in an instant. I shot after them, feeling the wear on my senses from my Zanpakuto and using my compulsion. Then I heard the sirens.

"Freeze, damn it!" they silenced, and I watched Rukia and Shuhei climb through the roof. I jumped up after them, then something incredible happened. _I _froze. They did too, but usually I don't. After about two minutes of frozenness, I cried, "Get the hell out!" throwing as much compulsion into my voice as I could. And they were gone. Something burst through the rock behind me, and I was free. I shunpoed off as fast as I could. I came to a rolling stop beside Shuhei and Rukia, who shot through the Senkai gate. I followed.

"We won't be expected." Shuhei started.

"Which means the cleaner will be on us in a few seconds."

"In that case, you two shunpo faster." I didn't yell, but I used a little compulsion. Rukia seemed very happy to agree and go, but Shuhei hesitated.

"Abarai will kill me if I leave you."

"Just go. I'll be fine." I lied, pushing a little harder. He nodded slowly, then him and Rukia took off shunpoing. I just continued running, glancing behind me every so often. Then I saw the light of the cleaner, and started running faster. I couldn't switch gears into shunpo. It was on me within seconds, and everything went black.

Ö

My eyes opened slowly, adjusting to the red all around. This was different then the blackness of near death. This was like death. Except, I shouldn't be alive.

"I'm confused." I groaned, still sinking in the redness. The sound of bells startled me, and I looked around, trying to locate my Zanpakuto.

"Do you want to live?" her voice echoed off everything and nothing. It was in my head, but everywhere.

"I'm already dead."

"Be serious!" I paused.

"I guess so. Yes."

"Why?"

"Because..." I closed my eyes, "Because despite my efforts to fall out of love with Renji, it's not happening. Because I have some friends. Because I will keep risking my life for him. For them. Because they need me. They need me, more than I want to be alive. They need me, and that's why I have to stay alive. I don't care if I live or die. However, I care about my friends. And if I die, Renji may as well kill himself. He considered it last time. I got sucked into the cleaner. I'm not going to be reborn. He had a small chance of finding me again last time. There isn't one this time." laughing, the bells again.

"I think you passed the test. Now solidify that resolve to live, and pull yourself outta this hell hole." a bright light appeared above, and a shadowed hand. I reached, but when my hand didn't reach, I took a deep breath, and pushed myself upward, clasping on the hand. Then everything went white.

Ö

"I still can't believe she's back here." I opened my eyes at Ichigo's voice, and smacked him.

"Asshole! I'm not redead!" he grinned.

"Why are you here?"

"Whadya mean?"

"World of the Living?" he prompted. I sat up.

"Urahara's?"

"Yeah."

"What the hell...?"

"We found you unconscious in the middle of the city. Any reason?"

"I got munched on by the cleaner." I summarized. Urahara let out a small noise.

"You shouldn't be alive then."

"Well, my Zanpakuto is a soul stealer."

"Zanpakuto...? You have no sword."

"Ring." I wiggled my fingers, then grabbed Ichigo's sword.

"Steal, Sourusutira. Bankai." my Spiritual Pressure flared, then I held the small black blade and swung it around. Ichigo gaped, then took his sword back.

"That's crazy."

"Not really." I shrugged, then paused.

"Anywho, I really need to get back now, because someone is out to kill me, and or kidnap me."

"I'll call." Urahara was gone, and I looked straight at Ichigo. He gave me a stern look.

"You and Renji were in a relationship before you died."

"Yes."

"And you remember everything."

"Yes."

"So are you still in a relationship?" I cringed, even though I expected this question. His gaze softened.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. He's being an asshole, and I've already sworn I'm done with him." he gave me a look, and we had a small staring contest, daring the other to break first. I broke first.

"Okay, fine. He broke it off because I almost got killed because I was protecting him from this guy. His name is Yuudai, he's a former captain that was above Goka, the guy who kidnapped me. Anywho, Yuudai's zanpakuto is this fear thing. It shows you what your fear most. Well I'd already seen that, so it didn't do much to me, while others were incapacitated. Then he went bankai, and I borrowed Kyoraku's Zanpakuto and fought with him. He caught me..." I showed him the scar. He winced.

"And when I woke back up, Renji decided he'd had enough of me almost dying." he gave me a sympathetic smile and hug. I rolled my eyes.

"Abarai is here to get you." I held my breath for a moment. Ichigo got up, and I heard them arguing for a moment. I stood by the door, listening.

"You're a complete and utter asshole." Ichigo started. I bit back a laugh.

"What?"

"You heard me. Katsu is a disaster on her own. And everything she does, is because she wants to. So she got almost killed twice and swallowed by the cleaner. That doesn't mean you leaving her is going to do anything. In fact, it actually got her killed." silence.

"She's dead?"

"No, but she was. Maybe she'll explain, if she doesn't stab you with her eyes and not talk to you." more silence.

"Swallowed by the sweeper?"

"Yeah."

"She can't be alive then." a pause, "I have to go back and report." my plan formed within a second, and I threw the door open.

"Urahara!" I called, stalking straight past the two, heading for the kitchen.

"Yes?"

"I need food!" I entered, and he threw a granola bar at me. I lurched backward to catch it after it sailed over me. Then he tossed a bowl my way, and I hit the floor to catch it, barely rattling the spoon.

"Fuck yes! I'm a fucking ninja!" he laughed.

"You're just jello because I'm a fucking bad ass ninja. Shit!" I licked the side of the bowl where a bit of the soup dripped, then grinned.

"Yeah. Fucking ninja." he shook his head and went back to cooking. I downed the soup, then stuck the granola bar in my mouth and turned around. Ichigo and Renji were staring at me.

"Yes? Do you need something, Ichigo?"

"How the hell...?"

"You learn a lot on the streets." I shrugged. He closed his eyes and shook his head, then sauntered over and hugged me again.

"I've gotta go, but it was nice seeing you, and have you steal the soul of my Zanpakuto." I grinned, and he did too, then left. I finished my granola bar, then let my stony look back onto my face as I looked at Renji. It took more effort than I remembered, but maybe that's because I never took it off before. The sudden urge to cry hit me, looking at his face, and I felt my features smooth. The stony looked all but vanished as I held back the waterworks. I wouldn't last more than fifteen minutes, I knew.

"How can you be so happy while you're with him, but so angry with me?" he questioned quietly. I fought to keep my lip from quivering, but failed. Instead, I headed back into the room, and slammed the door behind me, just as the tears started. I cursed under my breath, and slid down the wall, resting my arms across my knees, and hiding my face. The door opened fifteen minutes later.

"Katsu?" his voice sounded worried, and he dropped to the floor beside me.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt?" I snorted.

"Not physically." I murmured, still hiding my face.

"You have to talk to me." he pleaded.

"Why the hell should I? Tell me that. Why the hell should I tell you anything?" my tone was biting. I would've recoiled, had I been on the receiving end of this question. But Renji is so thick...

"Because I can't help unless you talk to me."

"I don't need therapy! Jesus Christ. This is why I never should've..." _started dating. Fallen in love. Died._ All of those things came to mind to end that sentence.

"Did Shuhei and Rukia get back safely?" I questioned softly.

"Katsu, please don't change the subject." his voice was almost as quiet as mine.

"Just answer the question. It's the only reason I got munched on." he almost chuckled, but he cut himself off.

"They're fine." a pause, "Why are you so willing to die?"

"Not in general." I murmured, "But Shuhei was there when I died. He saved me from getting taken by Goka a second time. He convinced me to come back to Japan. He's someone I owe my life to. Otherwise this would've turned out differently. I couldn't just let Yuudai do whatever to him. I figure we're even now." he rested an arm around my shoulders, and I stiffened.


	8. Chapter 8

"I answered your question, answer mine."

"What question." I still didn't pick my face up, though now I was wary of his every twitch.

"Why are you so closed off from me?" my bottom lip quivered again, and I didn't respond right away, trying to find some lie, because the truth wasn't something I wanted to share. I eventually couldn't see anyway around it.

"Because you broke my heart Renji. I can only deal with so many things before I explode. And you tipped the scale." my voice cracked at the end, and he gripped my chin firmly, forcing me to look up. I closed my eyes, which only hid the redness of my eyes.

"Look at me."

"No."

"Look at me, damn it."

"No." his grip tightened, and he wiped his fingers across my cheek, coming away with the tears.

"Why are you crying?"

"I cry everyday. That's why I came in here."

"You've cried everyday, for three weeks."

"Yeah. That's where I was when everyone thought I was missing." he pulled me into him, wrapping both arms around my shoulders. I bit my lip, trying not to cry.

"Ichigo was right. I am an asshole." I laughed.

"I told him that." he chuckled lightly.

"You being right is a first." I pushed him off.

"You just called me stupid." I pushed myself to my feet and started for the door, but he pushed me into the wall and pressed his lips against mine. My arms found their way around his neck, and his around my waist, holding me tight against him. I could feel every muscle in his abdomen tense and relax, and tried not to giggle. A pang of pain shot through my shoulder, and I pulled away, squeezing my eyes to try and shove the pain away.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing. We need to get back, don't we?" he hands found their way to my face, moving it to looked at both sides.

"I didn't hurt you?"

"Chill, dude. No, you didn't." his hands dropped to my collarbone, and I pressed a kiss to his lips, then pulled back after only a second.

"They didn't expect to wait this long for you to come back with me. We have to go, or you'll get in trouble." he sighed.

Ö

I lay on my bed in my room, after getting lectured by Yamamoto and Captain about not doing stupid things that'll get me caught. A soft knock came on the door, and I grunted, not feeling motivated enough to get up. The door scratched open, and Renji laughed.

"You look pathetic."

"I just got yelled at by two people. I don't feel like doing anything. Of course, they don't care that I _saved _the _lives _of two very important people. No. They're worried that I could have gotten caught. It's like they don't care about Rukia and Shuhei." he walked in and shut the door behind him.

"Well I certainly appreciate your idiocy." I sat up and frowned at him.

"That's not nice."

"But I know what is." he commented, lifting me up off my bed and capturing my lips. I pulled away after a few moments.

"That's nice, in a different way." he grinned, and kissed me again. I knew where this was going, but didn't exactly mind. After a few minutes, I pushed him away lightly.

"Your room." I murmured. He obliged. And then we were on his bed, pulling each other's clothes off.

Ö

I woke up in the morning to Renji drawing circles on my stomach with his thumb. I grinned.

"How long have you been doing that?"

"I don't know." he replied. I placed my hand over his and gave him a quick kiss. A knock sounded on the door, and he sighed.

"One minute." he got dressed quickly, and I just pulled the sheets up to my chin. He opened the door, successfully filling up the entire doorway.

"You're actually awake?"

"I can wake up at a reasonable time some days." Renji countered, "What's up?"

"You've been requested by Yamamoto." a short silence.

"Alright." Shuhei left, and Renji came back over.

"I'll be back."

"No. I thought you were planning on dying. I'm going back to my room." he smirked, then gave me a light kiss, and shunpoed away. I scrambled to get dressed and shot to my room. I turned around, and shrieked at Rangiku sitting on my bed, looking serious for once. Then again, I knew where this was going, so of course she would be.

"Where were you last night?"

"I'm not going to lie to you."

"So tell me."

"With Renji."

"Doing what?"

"Sleeping." I could twist my words. I don't play fair.

"Sleeping as in sleeping, or as in _sleeping_?" I winced. She'd caught me in my trick.

"You already know. Don't question me."

"You can't say the word, can you." I sighed.

"No." she grinned.

"You two are so meant for each other. It's adorable." I scowled at her.

"Then find someone else's love life to tamper with." the door flew open, and we both froze. My entire doorway was filled with black.

"Kita Katsu?" I raised my hand, as if he needed help identifying me.

"We are here to escort you to the meeting."

"I need an entire squad to do that now? Jesus." I rolled my eyes and stood up, then flashed off. Coming to a stop outside the room, I got a small nod, then entered. Yamamoto looked straight at me, and I gave a small wave.

"We're going into lockdown." confusion flooded me.

"What? Why?"

"It has come to our attention, what you could do, if actually caught by Yuudai." I glanced at Shuhei, who was looking at his feet. Of course he'd given me away. Kuchiki and Renji probably did too.

"Alright. So where am I going?" instead of answering, I was promptly blindfolded. I did my best not to fight back, but someone gripped my wrist, and shunpoed off. I struggled to keep up, seeing as I was blind. It was a full thirty seconds before we stopped, and I crashed to the floor, then ripped the blindfold off. I was in a concrete or maybe Seki Seki stone cube. The man walked back through the door, and it vanished into thin air. I groaned.

"Imprisonment. You know, I was in a fairly great mood before. But now, oh ho now, I'm going to sit in a corner and sulk. Thanks for explaining!" I shouted at no one in particular. With that, I sank down in the corner, and waited.

Ö

And waited.

Ö

And waited some more.

Ö

By the third day, I was done. No human contact. I couldn't keep up this silence. This motionlessness. Slowly, I climbed to my feet and stretched, then did a cartwheel. Then a round off. Then a back flip. Then a back hand spring.

Just generally warming up my muscles.

And then I did what I usually did when I was bored.

I sang.

"I wanted you to know, that I love the way you laugh. I wanna hold you high and steal your pain, away. I keep your photograph, and I know it serves me well. I wanna hold you high and steal your pain. 'Cause I'm broken, when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right, when you're gone away. You're gone away! You don't feel me, here, anymore.

"The worst is over now, and we can breathe again. I wanna hold you high and steal my pain, away. There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight. I wanna hold you high and steal your pain. 'Cause I'm broken, when I'm open, and I don't feel like, I am strong enough. 'Cause I'm broken, when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right, when you're gone away." I paused for a few seconds, where the pause would've been nearly a half a minute with a guitar.

"'Cause I'm broken, when I'm open, and I don't feel like I am strong enough. 'Cause I'm broken, when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right, when you're gone away. 'Cause I'm broken, when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right, when you're gone away. You're gone away. You don't feel me here, anymore." a feeling of betrayal hit me hard, and I gasped with the pain it caused me. Pain shot through the scar from Yuudai, and I crumpled to the ground. I fought against my pain and focused on Renji, trying to decipher his feeling of betrayal I got. Why did he suddenly feel like that?

Then I felt the overwhelming fear off him.

Fear that made me want to scream for mercy.

Even though I was getting it through someone else.

Tears clouded my eyes, and I pulled my arms into my chest, trying to stop the throbbing of my heart, the pain of my shoulder, and the mounting feelings of fear and betrayal. Then it hit me.

His betrayal _was_ his fear.

The worst thing that could happen to him, was betraying me. It was enough to make him want to die.

"And there's only one person who could make him think he was betraying me." I grumbled, forcing myself to my knees to inspect my scar, which was oozing blood. Obviously, the inflicting device was calling to the injury. A shot of fear flooded my system, and I clenched my hand into a fist, then felt the reassuring warmth of the ring on my finger.

"Steal, Sourusutira." my fist was forced wide, to accommodate for the handle being formed inside. Once the black flare died away, I glanced at the weapon in my hand. It was _not _what I expected. It was a black metaled, dual bladed sword, with a white, elegantly formed hilt. I swung it around experimentally in my hand, then watched it change again, into a black snathed (stick part) scythe with a black blade, again. Then it went back to the dual bladed sword.

"Um..." _**Whichever fits your needs. **_My face went grim, as I realized that if my zanpakuto was helping me, I was about to start fighting. I hugged the wall as the door blew inward, and gripped my sword tightly. Bankai Yuudai emerged from the floating debris. We just looked at eachother before he said, "You're bleeding."

"I'm aware." I replied, pushing off the wall.

"Who attacked you?"

"This would be your sword's doing. Or should I say, _scythe_." My sword morphed again, and I grinned as his eyes widened, watching it change back again. Fear pumped through my system, but I fought it like before.

"What did you do to Renji?" I questioned. He laughed.

"And here I was sure you two weren't speaking?"

"We got over it. What did you do?"

"You two have a link. You feel his emotions?" I didn't respond, waiting for an opening. And then it was there. He relaxed, and I flew at him, impaling him with my sword. He gasped, and shoved me off. I pulled a back flip, then aimed to slash across his chest. My sword glanced off the snath of the scythe. His expression was carefully constructed to show neither pain, nor anger. I realized, he relied on his Zanpakuto a lot to get what he wanted. Then something strange happened, as he shoved me off and I hit the wall. The blonde bangs in my face, faded to black. _**You're gaining his Bankai. Use it wisely. **_The tinkling bells warned. I grit my teeth, and pushed off the wall, flying at him. A look of absolute fear crossed his face before he realized what was happening, and barely managed to block me, ending up blowing through the wall. I stalked through the dust, feeling like an avenging angel. Probably looked like one. Then suddenly Yuudai was flying at me. I blocked his blade easily, bracing hard against it. He grit his teeth.

"How did you get so strong?"

"I absorbed your bankai, and probably amplified it by my own power." I responded, pushed back hard and throwing him off balance then hacking at him. He dodged, and swung his scythe, clipping my shoulder as I tried to get out of the way. A shot of fear went through me, but the adrenaline beat it out. I kicked out with my foot, nailing him hard in the ribs. He skidded backward, then flew at me again. I pushed off and flew at him, and felt my blade slice through something as I went, stopping on the end of the room he'd just been on. Spinning on my heel, I faced him. Blood was seeping down his clothes, but there was a look in his eye that made it seem like he didn't care. Then I realized what he was doing. He was pushing me to my full extent. Determination to kill him flooded my system, and I pushed off, feeling the ground crack beneath me. He braced his scythe against my sword, then, not suspecting the power, flew through the ceiling. I looked up, eyes narrowed, then pushed off after him, not ready to leave this. It wasn't so much that I wasn't feeling the fear from his attacks, but more of the fact that I was overlooking it.

Coming out into the nighttime, I glared across the sky at Yuudai, who had a determined set to his face. He flashed at me, and his scythe glanced off my sword, then tore through my side. I held in my breath and narrowed my eyes, whipping around and catching him across the back. Then a familiar presence slammed against me, throwing me back across the sky and into the trees. I slammed into the ground back first and skidded at least two hundred feet before stopping. I shoved myself to my feet, ignoring the cuts all over my body, and glanced around.

"Oh, you're on his side now? That's cool." Renji flashed in front of me, sword at my throat.

"Who are you?" I laughed, and he froze.

"Alright. Remember what my Zanpakuto lets me do? Well, think for a moment. Yuudai is in his bankai, I cut him..." he dropped his sword and looked me over, wary.

"Yeah yeah, you don't trust me because I look like a totally different person. Actually, I imagine I look like my Zanpakuto..." I looked down at my feet and grinned at the silver buckled, small heeled boots.

"You just interrupted my fight." I pointed out. Renji wrapped his arms around me tightly.

"I thought he'd killed you." I grinned, then my grin fell, and I spun us around and held out my sword, watching the blade of the scythe go straight between the two blades. Letting go of Renji, I spun my sword, then grabbed the snath of the scythe and held it in my left hand.

"What now, Yuudai?" he seethed and grabbed for the scythe. I jumped away, and twirled my sword, allowing it to turn into a scythe as well.

"What now? You have no weapon. And I have two."

"Give me his zanpakuto." Renji demanded. I looked down.

"No chance in hell. You won't be able to stand it." I dodged Yuudai, flipping up and over him, landing in a crouch. Then my Spiritual Pressure flared again, and I stood up straight. I looked at Sourusutira beside me. Her face was fierce, set in stone.

"Bankai." she hissed. The black flare burst upward, and I watched it wreathe around my body, changing my uniform into a tight fitting, black leather, cropped tank that zipped up the front, leather skin tight pants, and black, leather boots with the same three silver buckles and heel. Glancing to my left, I found a huge, and I mean _huge_, black wing. Of course, my hair was blonde again. The flare died down, and I gripped Yuudai's zanpakuto more tightly, feeling the material splinter under my fingers. I tossed the significantly shorter scythe back to him. He just looked at me, and I spun my sword, now a black bladed daito, around.

"Let's go, old man." I flew at him, and he could only try to block me. The ground cracked under him, and he gave a hard shove off, then swiped at me. I jumped back and hacked at him, just then realizing how long my sword really was, as it cut across the six foot gap and easily sliced through his shoulder, with a few inches to spare. His scythe cut across my stomach as I stopped to stare at the massive length, and I dodged away after. He flew at me, and I blocked his scythe. Within seconds, the blade cracked, and his eyes went wide, then he flashed away.

"Until next time, my pet." and he was gone. Just like that. I dropped down to the ground, and Renji just stared at me. Until I poked him with my sword. And drew blood.

"Shit! Sorry!"

"Barely felt it. But damn..." he walked around me in a circle.

"You looked like an avenging angel, fighting him. I'm actually scared of you." I grinned, then my expression fell flat.

"We need to find everyone else." I shunpoed back inside, and kicked aside rubble, quickly uncovering Kyoraku, Ukitake, and Komamura. I traveled up a few floors without finding anyone, then found Kuchiki, Yamamoto, and Toshiro in deep conversation. Zaraki was unconscious a few yards away, Unohana healing him. I heard a crack, then flashed over to the group of whispering captains and braced my sword against the rock that came down, actually splitting it in half.

"This is some serious debris." I muttered, looking around the pitiful room.

"Kita." I spun around on my heel and looked at Yamamoto, sword bouncing on my shoulder.

"What is this?" he demanded. I pursed my lips.

"I _think _it's my bankai. I'm not quite sure." and sure enough, the feathers of my wing blew apart, taking my awesome clothes with it and leaving me with my tattered uniform.

"Damn."

"You shouldn't have a lot of control over it yet." Yamamoto replied calmly, while a wall of fear built up within me. I tried to shove it back. Instead, it surged over my shoving, and everything went black.


	9. Chapter 9

"I think this is starting to become habitual." I said as soon as I woke up. Soft, feminine laughter sounded.

"It might be. How do you feel?" Unohana questioned. I sat up and rubbed my shoulder, which was rebandaged.

"Fine, I guess. No more massive amounts of fear, if that's what you mean."

"It was a build up, from when Yuudai cut you. You didn't _feel _the fear, because it was going to come back later. In a concentrated amount, causing you to black out." I could only nod, as she started pulling the bandage off. It curled around my hips, waist, and chest, then wrapped my entire right shoulder. The scar, or now new cut, ran from my shoulder, to the bottom of my ribs, and the second slice in my waist ran to the middle of my stomach, where the two scars connected.

"It's like I'm parts of two people! I'm Frankenstein!" she laughed, then rebandaged me.

"You're free to go, just take it easy, and no activating that Bankai. It put's extra stress on your injured shoulder." I nodded, and she left. I slid off the table, surprised to find myself in smoky gray skinny jeans instead of a uniform.

"What the hell?"

"I didn't feel like finding a uniform, so I just got a pair of my jeans. They fit you much better than me." I rolled my eyes at Rangiku as she leaned against the door frame. She sauntered over, face set in an expressionless stone.

"Renji's pissed at you." I pulled my eyebrows together in confusion.

"Why?" she sighed.

"Well, okay, maybe not _pissed_, but he's not happy. Whether with your or with himself, I'm not sure. I can find reasons for him to be unhappy with both. You willingly went around helping people, while you were injured. Oh you have no idea how much that aggravates him. I got to listen to his silence." I smirked.

"I know how much it aggravates him. Anyway, continue?"

"Oh. And, he should've recognized the signs earlier that you were blocking out something. He sees it all the time." I sighed.

"He's so... so him." Rangiku gave me a look, clearly saying she wanted me to elaborate.

"He can't ever really be _mad_ at me, so he turns his anger onto himself. Finds some small fault with everything, and makes it into this huge thing that could have inevitably altered the course of events that took place. He wants to change the past to alter the future." I sat up, and she smirked.

"I've got to-"

"Go find him. Go ahead." I was on my feet within seconds, wandering the pristine, white halls barefoot. I wondered vaguely if I was contaminating something with my feet, but decided against it. Hospitals weren't all that clean. Why would this place be any different? It _looks _clean, but with all the sick and injured people, it can't be pristine. Although I _could _smell antiseptic. My wandering gave way to meandering as I gave up on my search and lapsed into thought.

Why did he always blame himself?

But I knew the answer to that, so it was a bad question to occupy my thoughts.

In his mind, I was perfect. Flawed, but that made me perfect. So of course, things that got me injured, he took upon himself as personal failures, because someone perfect could never get injured like that on their own.

I stopped mid walk. _What the hell am I thinking? I just switched words up! That's exactly how I think about him! _A body slammed into mine, knocking me out of my reverie, and I stumbled, then started falling backward. For the first time in a while, I came crashing to the floor, bouncing on my tailbone and skipping a few paces backward. Once I stopped, I laid back and groaned.

"Fuck." I hissed, rolling onto my side. Then a voice broke through the already cracked haze.

"Katsu?" I glanced up at Renji, then grinned.

"Wow. All it took for me to find you was to wander around, absorbed in my thoughts. That's really sad. Clearly I can't find things and people when I want to." he pulled me up and into a tight hug. I winced, but tried to hide it. He, of course, didn't miss it.

He pulled back slightly, and I scowled.

"It's not your fault, it's mine." I stated before he could even get into the 'I'm Sorry' speech.

"I overworked my muscles and made myself bleed."

"But if I'd-"

"Stopped him, this never would have happened?" his hands remained on my waist, and I looped my arms around his neck, linking my fingers together.

"It would have happened, because you couldn't have stopped him. Renji, he's _much _stronger than you. This isn't your fault. And-" I silenced him, putting a finger to his lips, "don't you even _try _to convince me, because I just realized we think exactly the same way." he gave me a questioning look.

"Look. What do you think of me?"

"I think you're perfect." he responded. I laughed quietly.

"That's so cliché. Anyway, you think I'm perfect, and I figured that out, because I think the same. You think that a person so perfect couldn't possibly get defeated, so whatever injury befalls me is your fault. Am I right?" he nodded slowly.

"And I think the same way. So, you seriously just need to except that nothing that happens to me _ever _is your fault." his face darkened for a moment.

"Except for causing you to cry for three weeks straight." I grit my teeth.

"That doesn't count."

"Why not? It is my fault, isn't it?" I paused for a moment.

"I can't deny that it's your fault, but I can't accept that either. What you did, that caused that to happen, was because of this delusion of ours. It's like murdering someone, because you _thought _they were trying to kill you, but they weren't. Delusional self defense. Admittedly, that'd get you into a psych ward pretty fast," he chuckled, "but that's beside the point. It wasn't your fault, entirely. It was partly mine, because I never should have let you think that." I paused for a moment, a smile flirting with my lips, "And, just let the record show, that this entire thing is my fault, so I win anyway." he didn't look happy about that.

"I chose to come home that night." I responded to his look, "And that, led to all this. Nothing else. If I hadn't come home and endured Kalee's evilness, we'd still be distant, and in Karakura. So, I'm not saying that I'm unhappy that this happened, but it is my fault."

"Oh, so now you're taking credit for this relationship?" I grinned and nodded.

"Well that's not true, because I actually asked to come on the mission." I pursed my lips, well aware of where this was going.

"Captain Abarai." I jumped, and he chuckled, pulling me closer against him as he looked at the black clad man.

"Yes?"

"Yamamoto has requested your presence in his private room." his face grew serious then, still with a hint of amusement, but serious nonetheless.

"Katsu, can you-"

"He wants her too."

"Oh this can't be good." I muttered after the man left. Renji laughed.

"You're such a pessimist."

"You think?" he shunpoed off, and I followed. As soon as I stopped, I bowed to Yamamoto, then looked at the man behind him. Something about him struck a familiar cord with me. After some ten seconds of staring, it clicked. My mouth fell promptly open.

"Captain Abarai, I'm sure you are familiar with the Kitano Clan." he only nodded, not fitting the pieces together. But I was. Looking at my great grandfather, and hearing 'Kitano Clan' confirmed my suspicion.

"And Katsu, I'm sure you recognize him." I got defensive immediately.

"What about it? Is my family some noble blood line?"

"Exactly that." Grandpa spoke up. I barely had time to blink before he was across the room and in front of me, smiling.

"We're going to lunch."

"Alright." he turned to Renji.

"And you are coming too."

"Okay." Renji seemed a little stunned by the fact that Grandpa was talking to him. Then again, I was surprised that he looked so well. He looked maybe forty. Forty! This man was twice my age, yet three steps higher than me on the ancestry ladder! Grandpa grinned, grabbed my hand, and I could feel the shift for shunpo. I grabbed Renji's hand quickly, lacing my fingers through his as Grandpa took off, and we tried to get to the right speed. We were either too fast, or too slow, most of the time. As soon as he stopped, he let go of me, and I stumbled, then headed head first into the ground. Renji caught me around the waist and slung me backward into him.

"Thanks."

"You're such a klutz." I stuck my tongue out at him, then followed Grandpa into a shop. Even as I'd turned to face him, though, I'd caught the approving smile. That was about when I started getting worried again, as we sat down and someone came around to take our orders. I got something simple, and so did Renji, while Grandpa got something lavish and expensive sounding. He made idle chit chat, and I just tried to keep up, forcing Renji to speak occasionally. After half an hour, Grandpa excused himself for the bathroom, and I faced Renji with a bad tempered look.

"What?"

"Seriously? What's your deal, dude?"

"He's one of the four great noble families. How the hell am I supposed to react?"

"How do you think I feel? Apparently I'm supposed to be noble? I don't know shit about acting like that!" a slight smirk graced his lips, and I groaned lightly.

"Well, before I came along, you did pretty well." I blinked.

"Oh Jesus, I never shared my findings with you, did I?" he gave me a confused look.

"Remember when I asked for that list of people who left Soul Society?" his face darkened, as it did whenever we discussed anything during those three weeks. I flicked him in the forehead lightly, "Well, my father's supposed best friend's name was on there. I looked him up, on a hunch, and it _was_ my father. And he was married to my mother here!" he gave me a look.

"That means he would've been kicked out of the family in dishonour. Why are they welcoming you?"

"Because I didn't do anything. But also, don't you see what's going to happen? Don't tell me you missed that smile out there." I gestured to the outdoors, and he smirked again.

"That I didn't miss."

"He's figured out that we're in a relationship. What if he," I shivered, "wants to join you into the family?"

"What's so bad with that?" he sounded genuinely offended, and I hurried to fix this.

"Not like that, you moron. When we get married, I'd rather take your name than you take mine. I don't want a big noble family like this." his smirked returned, again.

"Oh, so now it's a _when_? I don't remember anyone proposing." I scowled, and he wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"I get it, don't worry." I pushed him off lightly, frowning playfully.

"No. Now I'm mad at you." he pulled me back into him with both arms this time, and I started squirming. After thirty seconds of useless squirming, I paused, then turned and pressed my lips to his. His grip loosened, and I shoved out, scooting back to my spot. He frowned at me.

"Ha ha!"

"That was a dirty trick, Katsu."

"I use what I can." he rolled his eyes, and then our deserts came. I looked at the heap of icecream, and polished it off in a minute. He just shook his head.

"So, when you, were, uh..." I would've assisted, if I knew where he was going, "locked up for your own safety," I grinned, "what was that song you sung at the end?" my grin dropped and I turned red.

"You didn't hear that, did you?"

"Everyone did." he took one looked at my sheepish face, and grinned, "What's wrong? You used to sing in front of people all the time." I narrowed my eyes.

"When I was Yui! I never, ever, _ever _sang in front of people when I was Katsu."

"What are you two bickering about?"

"She sang a song a few days ago, and just now learned that all the captains heard her."

"You should've known how I'd feel about that." I grumbled. He laughed.

"You loved singing for people when you were Yui."

"But I'm not Yui." I whined. Grandpa looked at me with a look I recognized from my other Grandpa, Dad, Mom, and even Ichiro and Shougo. I knew this wasn't going to end well.

"Oh? I wasn't around to hear you singing."

"Because I don't sing in front of people." I muttered. He grinned sadistically.

"It's open mic night." he said, jerking a thumb back to the stage.

"No."

"Yes." I glared at Renji.

"Then you're coming with me, and singing Seether's part."

"Who?"

"Male part. I'll write out the lyrics and circle what you sing." I grabbed a napkin, and promptly started scribbling the words out, then circling verses.

"Don't mind when I sing along with you." was all I said, before gripping his wrist and pulling him up to the mic, then grabbing a guitar that was there. I strummed it lightly, testing the strings, then stepped up to the mic. Everyone looked at me, with slightly interested faces, probably because I was half naked.

"Uhm, hello. My name is Katsu, and that's Renji, and since it's open mic night, and my old man is forcing me up here, we'll be singing a song I remember from when I was alive, called Broken." I stepped back, and started the beginning rift, whilst Renji stood a foot back from the mic.

"Sing good," I whispered, too low for the mic. He shot me a look that said he'd felt my compulsion.

"I wanted you to know, that I love the way you laugh. I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away. I keep your photograph, and I know it serves me well. I wanna hold you high and steal your pain." he shot me a look, and I grinned, then sang back up quietly while he sang main.

"'cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away." I dropped out for the bridge, "You've gone away. You don't feel me, here, anymore." I nodded, and he stepped back slightly, so I could step forward. Everyone's curiosity was piqued now that they'd heard his, quite good, voice, waiting to be let down by my half.

"The worst is over now, and we can breathe again. I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away. There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight. I wanna hold you high and steal your pain." he came forward a bit so our voices mixed for this chorus.

"'cause I'm broken when I'm open, and I don't feel like I am strong enough. 'cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away." he stepped back, while I played the instrumental break for some thirty seconds. Then he stepped back up.

"'cause I'm broken when I'm open, and I don't feel like I am strong enough. 'cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away." we paused for a few seconds, then both sang, "'cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone," I held out gone, while he continued with, "away." after another few second break, he sang solo, glancing down at his napkin guide, "You've gone away. You don't feel me, here, anymore." I played the ending lick, and as soon as we were done, the room erupted into applause, while some people stood up. I glanced at Grandpa, who looked absolutely astonished. I set the guitar down, mock bowed, then stepped off the stage, grinning, pulling Renji after me.

"Guess what." he said before we got to Grandpa.

"What?"

"You didn't use any of your weirdness during that." I grinned.

"Woot!" I glanced back as some brave soul wandered up there, grinning sheepishly, announcing their song, then starting.

"Well." Grandpa started, clearly at a loss for words. Or rather, thinking. I got wary.

"That was certainly something." my face fell.

"You didn't like it?"

"That was amazing! How could I not? You two work so well together, and your voices blend amazingly." then the big pause. He sighed, then his gaze met mine, and I could feel Renji stiffen through our hands.

"I hate to do this. I really do. But you have to come back. You have to quit being a Shinigami."


	10. Chapter 10

**If you don't read this first, I will eat a moose, mkay? So, I'm posting the rest of the chapter of Remember and Forget when I get there as well, just because I'm sure that people that liked this story never saw that there was a sequel, or they hated how Memories ended, or they hate the story, or they ****hate me, or they want Africa to sink under the ocean. So! I'll update these onto Memories as well as the main story of Remember.**

* * *

I looked at myself in the mirror of Kohaku's front walkway, trying to memorize my looks. I was, by my standards, actually kind of pretty. _Innocent_ pretty. And because of that, Kohaku was having a hard time coming up with a name. I had this beautiful, shoulder length golden blonde hair, and these amazing, deep, emerald green eyes. My skin was tan, but natural looking. I was about five foot seven, maybe. And, I lived with a pretty good looking guy too.

"Aha!" Kohaku cried from the other room. I spun around and walked into the room.

"Think of one?"

"Yuki." I looked at him, then started laughing.

"That makes me sound like a little kid." he frowned.

"Then come up with one on your own." I put a finger to my lips, leaning back against the doorframe.

"Yui Matsuoka." he blinked.

"Actually, that sounds good. Good job, you're smarter than me!" I laughed and threw my hands up.

"Huzzah!" he chuckled.

"Alright. So, tomorrow we'll try to find something you're good at." I glared at him.

"Are you implying I'm not good at anything?"

"Totally." he rolled his eyes and got up. Considering it was midnight, he should be tired. And so should I. But I'm not. He said goodnight, then headed off to bed. I ventured outside, then started humming a song I'd heard a lady singing earlier.

"_You can take everything I have. You can break everything I am. Like I'm made of glass, like I'm made of paper. Go on and try to tear me down, I will be rising from the ground. Like a skyscraper, like a skyscraper._" a thump sounded from inside the house, and I turned around to face the window behind me as it slammed open.

"Was that you singing?" Kohaku questioned. I looked at him incredulously.

"If it's that bad, just say so."

"That's the thing, it wasn't. Your singing was amazing!" I smiled sheepishly.

"I guess we know what I'm doing tomorrow." he nodded.

"Now come inside, and go to sleep, you daughter of a lump."

"Don't mock my nonexistant father!" I cried defensively, walking back toward the front door. He grinned, and the window shut.

**oOo**

Someone tapping on my head woke me up the next morning, and instinctively, I lashed out, smacking someone.

"Ow." my eyes flickered open, and I sat up on my cot.

"I'm so sorry Kohaku!" he laughed, his hand over the red mark.

"Don't worry about it. But get up and come get some breakfast." he left, and I rolled off the bed, then stood up and inspected my clothes. They weren't _too _dirty. Cracking my neck, I wandered into the kitchen, and grabbed a plate, then pushed my fork into the pancake.

"Is this even cooked?"

"Of course it is. Just eat it, you dope." I made a face at him, then sat down and started eating. Half an hour later, he dragged me outside.

"I've got to go to work. Just go do whatever you want. We'll work on your songs tonight." he ran off, and I blinked.

"What the hell just happened?" shaking my head, I started for anywhere.

Wandering by many small shops, I window shopped, humming to myself. After a few hours of staring through windows, I got lost. Sitting down I plopped down onto the grass, and started singing the song from before.

"_You can take everything I have. You can break everything I am. Like I'm made of glass, like I'm made of paper. Go on and try to tear me down, I will be rising from the ground. Like a skyscraper, like a skyscraper._" someone tapped my foot, and I looked up. An older woman stood by my feet.

"Do you know the rest of that song?"

"No."

"Here are the lyrics dearest. You have a wonderful voice." I smiled and took the paper from her, then scanned it. When I looked back up, she was gone. Blinking, I sang quietly. Two minutes later, someone tapped me on the head.

"Where are you collecting money?" I looked at the man.

"Um... nowhere?"

"Oh. Well, here." he handed me a few coins, and I grinned.

**oOo**

I exited the house, and started running, Kohaku behind me. I gasped when I saw the crowd gathered around my sakura tree. I slid in behind them, and Kohaku followed, sitting down beside me.

"Sorry I'm late. Someone didn't wake me up."

"No, I did. You just fell back asleep. Idiot." I bit back a retort, but knowing I needed to get started was the sole reason I didn't lash out. I'd been doing this for a week now, and had a schedule.

"Alright. This first song is called Big Girls Don't Cry."

"Yes! I recommended that!" someone in the crowd called. I laughed, then looked at Kohaku, he started playing, and I looked up, trying to remember the words.

"_La da da da. The smell of your skin lingers on me now. You probably on your flight back to your hometown. I need some shelter of my own protection baby. Be with myself in center clarity, peace, serenity. I hope you know, I hope you know. That this has nothing to do with you. It's personal, myself and I, we've got some straightenin' out to do. And I'm gonna miss you, like a child misses their blanket, but I've got to get a move on with my life. It's time to be a big girl now, and big girls don't cry. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry._

"_The path that I'm walking, I must go alone. I'm must take baby steps till I'm full grown, full grown. Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they? And I forsee the dark ahead, if I stay. I hope you know, I hope you know, that this has nothing to do with you. It's personal, myself and I, we've got some straightenin' out to go. And I'm gonna miss you, like a child misses their blanket, but I've got to get a move on with my life. It's time to be a big girl now, and big girls don't cry._

"_Like a little school mate in the school yard, we'll play jacks and Uno cards. I'll be your bestfriend, and you'll be mine, valentine. Yes you can hold my hand if you want to, 'cause I want to hold yours too. We'll be playmates and lovers and share our, secret worlds. But it's time for me to go, home. It's gettin' late and dark outside. Need to be with myself and center, clarity, peace, serenity. I hope you know, I hope you know, that this had nothing to do with you. It's personal, myself and I, we've got some straightenin' out to do. And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket, but I've got to get a move on with my life. It's time to be a big girl now, and big girls don't cry. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry._" I looked up, and my face fell at the people crying.

"Oh please don't cry! It's just a song!" they smiled and tossed me small _bags _of money.

"It's not that it's a song, dear. It's your voice, and the way you sing. You sing like you know these lyrics. Like this has happened to you." an old man said from the front. I smiled at him.

"Maybe something happened in my life in the World of the Living? I don't know." he nodded.

"What's your next song?" I looked back at Kohaku.

"Um, it's called Hey There Delilah. It's from a guy's point of view, so my voice may sound a little wrong for this song." Kohaku started strumming again, and I closed my eyes to remember the lyrics.

"_Hey there Delilah, what's it like in New York City? I'm a thousand miles away but girl tonight you look so pretty, yes you do. Time Square can't shine as bright as you, I swear it's true. Hey there Delilah, don't you worry 'bout the distance. I'm right there if you get lonely, give this song another listen. Close your eyes. Listen to my voice, it's my disguise, I'm by your side. Oh, it's what you do to me, oh it's what you do to me. Oh, it's what you do to me, oh it's what you do to me. What you do to me._

"_Hey there Delilah, I know times are getting hard, but just believe girl, someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar. We'll have it good, we'll have the life we knew we would, my word is good. Hey there Delilah, I've got so much left to say. If every simple song I wrote to you would take your breath away, I'd write it all. Even more in love with me you'd fall, we'd have it all. Oh, it's what you do to me, oh, it's what you do to me. Oh, it's what you do to me, oh, it's what you do to me._

"_A thousand miles seems pretty far, but they've got planes and trains and cars. I'd walk to you if I had no other way. Our friends would all make fun of us, and we'll just laugh along because we know that none of them have felt this way. Delilah I can promise you, that by the time that we get through, the world will never ever be the same, and you're to blame. Hey there Delilah, you be good and don't you miss me. Two more years and you'll be done with school, and I'll be making history like I do. You'll know it's all because of you. We can do whatever we want to. Hey there Delilah here's to you, this one's for you. Oh, it's what you do to me, oh, it's what you do to me. Oh, it's what you do to me, oh, it's what you do to me. What you do to me._" I looked up, and even more people were sobbing.

"Oh my gosh! People! It's just a song! You're making me feel bad!" more small bags of money were tossed my direction, and I turned bright red.

"Please don't pay this much." I called out.

"You sing from the heart." a male voice called out. I glanced to my right at the Shinigami standing there. He wore a white Haori with the number nine stitched onto the sleeve. He also had blood red hair, tied back into a ponytail, with a white towel tied around his forehead. He had small, brown eyes, and black tattoos that vanished beneath his clothes.

"Captain Abarai." Kohaku greeted him.

"Kohaku, you know you're not allowed to foster the new people." Kohaku turned defensive.

"How do you even know she's new?" he questioned. Captain Abarai didn't reply.

"As I was saying, you sing from the heart. You sound like you've experienced this thing, and to people who've felt these things too, it touches them."

"You sound like you're one of those people, Captain."

"Maybe I am." I frowned slightly.

"Alright, people, I'm going to take a short break." I stood up and joined him against the tree, some ways away.

"I have a question."

"Shoot."

"How did you know I was new?" he didn't respond at first, making me think he wasn't going to.

"I... knew you when you were alive." I looked at him.

"Haha, very funny. Is it like, some way I act or something?"

"Actually, you act like someone who's been here forever, but I'm not joking. I can't really say more, because I just can't. Sorry." he disappeared, and I blinked.

"What the hell?"

"Yui, get back here!" I ran back and slid back into my spot.

"Sorry to keep y'all waiting!"

**oOo**

Afterwards, I wandered around the district. I told the people I wouldn't be here today, but tomorrow I will be. So, wandering now, I wondered vaguely how well Captain Abarai and I knew each other before I died. And if I was forgetting anything important. I stopped in front of a cake shop, looking in.

"Hello again." I jumped and turned around.

"Jesus Christ, don't sneak up on me!"

"You always did scare easy." Captain Abarai commented, smirking. I pouted.

"It's not fair that you know, but I can't."

"You're not allowed to. What's your name now, anyway? It's obviously not the same."

"Yui. Yui Matsuoka."

"Well, Yui, if you're thinking about baking, you can't stay in this low of a district."

"Low?" I questioned, "Kohaku told me there was eighty."

"Yeah, but you're baking is amazing. The nobles would have no problem ordering from you." he blinked. I rolled my eyes.

"You're so weird. You seem like you know everything about me. That kind of disturbs me, though, since I'm not _allowed_ to know anything about myself." he chuckled.

"That's because you're not. And I do know almost everything about you. You're favourite colour is blue. You're favourite flavour of anything is vanilla. You listen to lots of sappy love songs. You love the ocean. You're a very physical person, prone to hitting and smacking. You're verbally abusive. You have a scar on your belly button." I blinked. He did know a lot about me.

"You're weird. I'm going home."

"No, you're not." he gripped my wrist and pulled me back.

"Why not?"

"Because I want to show you something."

"You're so friendly. I thought Shinigami were supposed to be mean."

"We were close before." he responding, flashing off. I screeched, holding onto his waist tight, eyes shut. He tapped my head seconds later.

"You can let go." I shook my head, and he chuckled.

"We stopped moving. Relax." I shook my head again. "You weren't ever this scared before."

"I'm not who I was before! I'm Yui now, not whoever!"

"You're still the same." he pried me off gently, and spun me around.

"Open your eyes." I slowly opened my eyes, then gasped and took a step back into him, away from the cliff edge. We were standing on a cliff that jutted out over the ocean, I guess, and the sky was an array of colours. After a few seconds, I walked closer to the edge, squinting, trying to figure out if I was imagining the colours. Hands wrapped around my waist and pulled me backward. I glanced back, smirking.

"Worried I'm going to jump or fall?"

"A little. You're stupid enough."

"Hey now! I'm not the same as I was before. If I would do that then, I might not do it now."

"You have no idea how close to the edge you were, do you?" I turned pink, and he chuckled.

"Douche bag! You have no right to judge my absent mindedness. Ohmygod, I said I'd be home half an hour ago. I totally spaced out while window shopping."

"I'll take you back, no worries. C'mon." he flashed off again, and I screamed, again, and gripped his waist as tightly as I could. Seconds later, he tapped my head again.

"Let go."

"I hate you!" he chuckled while I let go and stormed into the house. Kohaku looked at me questioningly.

"He's such an asshole it isn't even funny!"

"Who are you so riled up about? Seriously."

"Captain Abarai! He's such an asshat! Just ugh!" I was running low on fuel for my anger, which was the coverup for how I was _actually _feeling. So, I stormed into my room, and slammed the door. I sat on the bed, anger completely gone now, and stared at the wall. How could it feel so _right _to be in a stranger's arms? He obviously knew me, _very _well. And obviously my _body _knew him very well. So was it only my mind that didn't?

The entire encounter left me wondering just what exactly our relationship had been, and I wanted to ask. But somehow I knew he'd deny me, shut me out, and not talk to me for days. Probably. Why am I making assumptions when I don't even know the guy?

"Oh my fucking God, I'm going bat shit crazy!" I cried, burying my head into my pillow, screaming.

**oOo**

"Get up, right now. We're late."

"Fuck the what?" I arched my back upward, lifted my head up and looking around.

"Yeah." he fled, and I jumped off the bed and grabbed a new, short, yukata. This one was green, matching my eyes, and was laced with gold trim and designs. I pulled my hair up into a bun, and fled the house, not even caring about food. Kohaku was right after me. I slid out into the street, then ran, and slid again, tripping over someone's foot, and rolling, smacking my head on a glass vase on the ground. It shattered, and I could feel the blood oozing out of the side of my face. I barely registered the pain as I sat up.

"Holy shit, Yui, are you alright?" I blinked, and felt my face.

"Oh yeah. Don't worry about it." I wiped off the blood and stood up, sliding into my spot.

"Are you alright miss?"

"Totally. Don't worry." I grinned, then looked at Kohaku.

"This one is called Yours to Hold."

"_I see you standing here, but you're so far away. Starving for your attention, you don't even know my name. You're going through so much, but I know that I, could be the one, to hold you! Every single day, I find it hard to say, 'I could be yours, alone.' You will see some day, that all along the way, I was yours, to hold. I was yours to hold. I see you walkin' by, your hair always hiding your face. I wonder why you've been hurting, I wish I had someway to say, 'You're goin' through so much. Don't you know that I, could be the one, to hold you?'_

"_Every single day, I find it hard to say, 'I could be yours, alone.' You will see someday, that all along the way, I was yours to hold. I was yours, to hold. I'm stretching but your just out of reach. You should know, I'm ready when you're ready for me. And I'm waiting for the right time, for the day I catch your eye, to let you know, that I'm yours to hold. Every single day, I find it hard to say, 'I could be yours, alone.' You will see someday, that all along the way, I was yours to hold. I was yours to hold._

"_Every single day, I find it hard to say, 'I could be yours, alone.' You will see someday, that all along the way I, was yours to hold. I was yours, to hold. I'm stretching but you're just out of reach, I'm ready when you're ready for me._" I looked back at Kohaku, then gasped.

"Oh you can't cry too! Seriously! Please don't cry too, Kohaku. I need you to support me here, not break down in tears."

"That song reminds me of when I was little."

"You were born here?"

"Yeah. That's how I was with a girl, in my teens." I shook my head.

"Jebus."

"Sing Big Girls Don't Cry again. I have a friend here who wants to hear it." I looked back into the crowd, and smiled at the silver haired man, obviously the friend. He looked astonished for a few moments.

"Alright. And what am I singing after this song?"

"I want you to try a non romantic song and see if it invokes the same emotion." an older man said.

"Alright. So... what about... I know what to sing. Alright, let's do Big Girls Don't Cry." I glanced back at Kohaku, who was composed again. He nodded, and I turned back to the crowd.

"_La da da da. The smell of your skin lingers on me now. You probably on your flight back to your hometown. I need some shelter of my own protection baby. Be with myself in center clarity, peace, serenity. I hope you know, I hope you know. That this has nothing to do with you. It's personal, myself and I, we've got some straightenin' out to do. And I'm gonna miss you, like a child misses their blanket, but I've got to get a move on with my life. It's time to be a big girl now, and big girls don't cry. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry._

"_The path that I'm walking, I must go alone. I'm must take baby steps till I'm full grown, full grown. Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they? And I forsee the dark ahead, if I stay. I hope you know, I hope you know, that this has nothing to do with you. It's personal, myself and I, we've got some straightenin' out to go. And I'm gonna miss you, like a child misses their blanket, but I've got to get a move on with my life. It's time to be a big girl now, and big girls don't cry._

"_Like a little school mate in the school yard, we'll play jacks and Uno cards. I'll be your bestfriend, and you'll be mine, valentine. Yes you can hold my hand if you want to, 'cause I want to hold yours too. We'll be playmates and lovers and share our, secret worlds. But it's time for me to go, home. It's gettin' late and dark outside. Need to be with myself and center, clarity, peace, serenity. I hope you know, I hope you know, that this had nothing to do with you. It's personal, myself and I, we've got some straightenin' out to do. And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket, but I've got to get a move on with my life. It's time to be a big girl now, and big girls don't cry. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry._" the silver haired man looked like he was about to cry. Not crying yet, but about to. I frowned.

"Can you all stop crying? It's going to make me cry."

"You can't hear the emotion in your voice." Silver haired man replied, moving around the back and coming around to the side. I don't know what it is, maybe the combination of his shoulder length hair, or the slight frame, or the glasses, or the way he carried himself, but all I could think of was that he looked like a wolf.

"That song reminds me of a girl I loved once. She probably would have sang that now, if she hadn't died."

"Died here? I thought you couldn't die here?" he chuckled.

"No, not here. She was in the World of the Living. Burned to death."

"So shouldn't she be here? We could go find her."

"It's fine. What's the next song?" I laughed.

"Oh this'll be good. So I know everything I've been singing is like, slow, easy shit, but this song, is a rock song. Prayer of the Refugee." I heard some cheers in the back, laughed again, and looked at Kohaku. He nodded, then started with the guitar entrance.

"_Warm yourself by the fire son, the morning will come soon. I'll tell you stories of a better time, and a place that we once knew. Before we packed our bags and left all this behind us in the dust, we had a place that we could call home, and a life no one could touch. Don't hold me up now, I can stand my own ground. I don't need your help now. You will let me down, down down! Don't hold me up now, I can stand my own ground. I don't need your help now. You will let me down, down, down!_

"_We are the angry and the desperate, the hungry and the cold. We are the ones who kept quiet, and always did what we were told. But we've been sweating while you slept so calm, in the safety of your home. We've been pullin' out the nails that hold up everything you know. Don't hold me up, now, I can stand my own ground. I don't need your help now. You will let me down, down down! Don't hold me up, now, I can stand my own ground. I don't need your help now. You will let me down, down down! So open your eyes child, let's be on our way. Broken windows and ashes are guarding the way. Keep quiet no longer, we sing through the day, of the lives that we've lost, and the lives we've reclaimed! Go!_

"_Don't hold me up now, I can stand my own ground. I don't need your help now. You will let me down, down down! Don't hold me up now, I can stand my own ground. I don't need your help now. You will let me down, down down!_" I made a quick glance back, and Kohaku held up one finger.

"_Don't hold me up_!" I held out the up, and he sang the layered part, "_I don't need your help, I'll stand my ground._"

"_Don't hold me up_!" we did the same, then I sang, "_No! No! No! Don't hold me up!_" and we repeated twice, then I moved onto, "_Don't let me down, down, down, down, down!_" the crowd was very, very, riled up now. I looked back at Kohaku.

"Now what could that possibly make them think about?"

"The Winter War, and their feelings toward Shinigami. A lot of these people are from our district, and we don't have many problems with Shinigami, but some are from the lower, and they have _lots _of problems. Everyone gets wronged by a Shinigami at least once." I looked at the silver haired man, who seemed lost in thought.

"It would appear I have invoked some emotions."

"I also think you should stick to less angsty songs. We don't want a riot, because you'd get arrested, and they'd start testing you for shit to see if you have a Zanpakuto or something." I looked at Kohaku.

"That's ridiculous."

"What's ridiculous, is what your voice does to people. It seriously sounds like you've experienced all these things, and you connect. This song is about war and stuff, and there is no way you could have connected. There hasn't been a war here in a few years, and in Japan, even longer. So I don't get where the feeling of connection is coming from."

"I don't know. Maybe something minor happened while I was alive."

"Maybe. Okay, so next song. Something mellow?"

"Yeah."

**E/N: I think the image of this chapter _looks_ better, don't you? 'Coz I'm shallow like that and love reading pretty things~ and I also fixed a few of the mistakes I missed reading this over... I'm a failure a an ediiiitooooorrr! *falls into an inky, swirly mental abyss, never to be seen or heard from again.* btw, any mis-spellings are 99.99999% likely my fault. ^^ u better review 'dis or I'll throw you into my epic black hole and thou shall never escapeth!**

**~know something? If someone hadn't ever heard those songs, it's kind of akward reading it... luckily, I know them decently well.**

MARK OF EDIT COMPLETION


	11. Chapter 11

So, I was a little more excited about being back in the World of the Living than I should've been. And I got to do something I'd always wanted to do. See, we were on a mission under the pretense that we were studying the people around here, trying to see if there was something in particular charging them with Spiritual Pressure. So, while the Captains did that, I just wondered around aimlessly.

So back to doing what I'd always wanted to do. My hair was pretty normal length now, so I went, and got it cut in the emo style, with my bangs cutting across my face, hiding my forehead, the top super fluffy, the bottom super thin. Then I went, and bought black hair dye. And dyed my hair black. Then, I bought a few pairs of neon coloured skinny jeans, and a lot of black camisoles, then black eyeliner, and became emo.

To describe it in a few words;

It.

Was.

Awesome.

People completely avoided me, and no one recognized me. Not even Ichigo, even when I purposely shoved him while passing eachother. And all this I did on the second day I was there.

I sat in the park, after dropping my loot off at Urahara's, swinging absently. I was pretty zoned out, just thinking, so when I heard Renji's voice, I screamed. Luckily, the park was empty. I turned around, and he just looked at me.

"Can you see me?" he questioned. I put a hand over my heart, willing it to calm down.

"Why wouldn't I be able to?" I had meant for this question to reveal my identity, but apparently it didn't.

"Well, alright. Have you seen a blonde girl, about your height, tan, with deep emerald eye..." he trailed off, squinting at me.

"Have I met you before?" I laughed, and his eyes went wide.

"Katsu?! What the hell did you do to yourself?"

"I did what I wanted to try. It won't change what I really look like, right?"

"I honestly don't know." I felt the blood drain from my face. While doing this had been fun, I didn't want to look like this forever.

"You look like a completely different person." I didn't respond, still stuck on the fact that I might look like this forever. He sighed and took my hands.

"It doesn't look bad. Besides, if it does stay like that, it'll grow out."

"I don't wanna look emo forever."

"It won't be forever. Calm down."

"How can I? I thrived on being blonde."

"We'll see what happens, alright? Calm down." he pulled me up off the swing and into him, wrapping his arms around my waist. I rested my head against his shoulder, sighing.

"Cheating on Katsu already, Renji?" Kyoraku's voice rang out across the clearing. I growled, and Renji chuckled.

"She's going to beat your ass for suggesting that." he responded for me.

"Who? That girl? She can't be seventeen either. You're a pedophile." this time I laughed, and I felt him scowl.

"Oh, that's a nasty expression. Don't let her see that, Renji. Either of your women." I laughed again and pulled away, facing Kyoraku.

"You're an idiot, ya know that?" he looked at me oddly.

"Have I met you before?" this time it was Renji who laughed.

"You two are more alike than you care to know." I responded bitterly.

"Hey, that's not nice." Renji responded, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind, then pulling me back into him.

"Who is this doll, Renji?" Kyoraku questioned, obviously intrigued on who he would be so openly cheating on me with.

"My name," I said, almost irritated now, "is Katsu. Just because my hair and makeup changed doesn't mean _I _did. Moron." his eyes went wide, and he came closer, narrowing his eyes as he looked me over.

"You're even more beautiful than before." I rolled my eyes.

"I'm serious. All that makeup should be unattractive, but it really accents your eyes. Anyway, we're finishing up with our 'investigation' for today, so let's head back." I nodded, and he flashed off. I could feel Renji's breath on my cheek as he spoke, "You do look beautiful, but it's not you."

"I know, I know." I reveled in his warmth for a few silent moments.

"I'll see you back at the house."

"Kay." and then he was gone. I sighed, then turned heel, and started walking toward Urahara's. About halfway home, someone sprinted past me, then another slammed right into me, taking me to the ground. I cushioned my head with my hands, but I could feel skin tearing off my hands. The man sat up, and I followed suit.

"Fuckity shit that really hurts..." I groaned, holding my hands against my chest.

"Fuck, he got away." I glared at the man, whom I then realized was Ichigo, and scrambled to my feet.

"Wait, are you alright?"

"Yeah, it's all good." I started to move away, and he stood up, having spotted the blood on the pavement.

"Let me see your hands." I sighed reluctantly and held them out. He cringed.

"Alright, you're coming with me."

"Really! I have to get back home!"

"You can call when we get back to my house." my eyes went wide, and I protested the entire way there. Once inside, he sat me down, and started cleaning up my hands. There was pieces of skin missing everywhere, and blood was streaming down my hands. He cleaned them off with water, then with an alcohol pad, then wrapped them up to my fingers, and handed me the phone.

"I'm Kurosaki Ichigo, by the way." he said as I dialed.

"Yamaguchi Umeka." I said, holding it to my ear.

"Kurosaki?" Renji answered. I laughed.

"This is Ume. Uh, we had a little incident in the streets, but I'm starting home from the Kurosaki Clinic in a minute. Just letting you know why I wasn't back yet." I heard a low growl on the other line.

"What happened?"

"The Kurosaki kid was chasing this guy, I guess, and slammed into me. I cushioned my head with my hands, and they got all fucked up. Nothing serious. Chill."

"How can I? This is his fault!"

"Seriously, chill! I'll explain more when I get back." silence for a few moments.

"I'm going to kill him."

"I don't think that'd be wise. Now, goodbye."

"No, not goodbye." I rolled my eyes.

"You're stupid. See you soon."

"Better." I laughed, then hung up.

"Well, I've got to go. Thanks for the help." I got up and put the phone down.

"I'll walk you." I froze.

"Uh, that's not necessary."

"It's the least I can do after causing that."

"Seriously, I'm fine."

"Ichinii!" a young voice called down the stairs. He turned around, and I fled quietly, running out the door. Some eight minutes later, when I collapsed against the side of Urahara's, I wondered vaguely why he was so adamant about following me. My hands ached fiercely, and I tried to ignore the throbbing, sharp pain. I sat there for a few minutes until I caught my breath, then pushed myself up, gasped, and winced.

"Holy fuck ow." a head of bright orange hair entered my vision, and I dashed inside, hiding behind the door frame. Kyoraku and Urahara stared at me.

"What are you doing, Katsu?"

"Ichigo is stalking me. Quite literally. I have to go hide, _now._" I ran for my room and slid inside, careful to not use my hands, as I slammed the door with my foot. My room was the closest to the front room, so I could hear when Ichigo entered.

"Urahara-sama. Kyoraku-sama. Have you seen a girl with black hair and bandaged hands?" a short silence.

"Not that I remember."

"I swear I saw her come in here."

"Were you chasing her?"

"She reminded me strongly of Katsu. And considering that I've already seen her here once since she died, for all I know it could've been her. She also called Renji on my house phone." I cursed quietly. He'd checked the number I'd called after I fled.

"You can go talk to him, but remember, he's a Captain now. Behave yourself." Ichigo walked straight past my door, and I tried to be silent.

"Kurosaki?" they were right outside my door. I cursed quietly.

"Hey, did someone call you some fifteen minutes ago?"

"Yeah. They weren't making any sense though." Something about you running into them?"

"Jesus this girl is a ghost or something. She called you, she didn't want me to follow her, she actually ran... Alright, thanks for the help."

"Where are you going?"

"To find her. Her hands weren't in good shape at all." he left, and Renji shoved my door open and looked at me.

"Hands." I held them up and wiggled my fingers, hiding the pain it caused me.

"Not as bad as he said." I lied. He obviously didn't believe me, as he sat down beside me and took my hands. I cut off my gasp, and he looked at me pointedly.

"I'd ask Tessai to heal them, but if Ichigo sees you again, you'll have to be injured." I frowned.

"I'll be running."

"Good. We can't risk him recognizing you." a short silence.

"Are you okay?"

"Only my hands got hurt. S'all cool." he sighed, and I grinned.

"Your a disaster."

"You still love me."

"Sadly. I think it's taking a toll on my mental health."

"It'll get better when this Yuudai thing is over." I promised. He laughed.

"I don't think you'll ever stop being a disaster. You were a disaster before I even really got to know you." I flicked him, then winced.

"Well you were immature too." I muttered.

"Not as bad as you."

"You are _much _older than me. I'm allowed to be immature. I mean, come on. I'm like, twenty."

"And I look twenty, so it evens out."

"Well your mental age is like, fifty."

"Then you're twelve." I mock gasped.

"That's mean!"

"You called me old!"

"So? You are old."

"And you're a child."

"Then you are a pedophile." I stated suddenly. He mock gasped, and then he initiated something we haven't done in a very long time; we fought. He knocked me over, and I rolled over so I was on top, then threw a fist. He knocked it aside, then rolled over again and pressed a kiss to my lips. I lost my grip on my will, and my physical grip on his shirt loosened. Then, he socked me in the gut. I oofed and pushed him off, curling up in a ball on my side.

"That didn't hurt that bad, did it?" I didn't make any noise, waiting for him to come closer. Just as he was about to flip me over, I moved fast, uncurling and nailing him in the corner of the jaw. He fell back, and I sat up, grinning.

"That didn't hurt that bad, did it?" I mocked. He frowned.

"You're evil." he decided.

"So are you. Kissing is _not _fair game when we're fighting."

"I think it is."

"I think not." This time I frowned at him, and he grinned, then pushed me back onto the ground and leaned over me, pressing another kiss to my lips. The door slid shut, and I laughed against his lips. He rolled over so I was on top again, his hands under my shirt, on my waist. Fire burned under my skin, and I closed as much of the space between us as I could. He grinned, and I flicked him lightly. When he pulled away and looked at me, I smiled.

"I love you."

"I love you and your crazy hair too." he responded, pulling me into a hug. I closed my eyes and cuddled up to him.

Ö

Waking up in the morning, I was almost conscious enough to worry that Renji would have left me. Then I realized what the warmth I was curled up against was. My left leg was on the floor, against his, my right at a ninety degree angle with my stomach and over top of him. My head was on his chest, one hand across and lightly gripping his shoulder, the other against my body. One of his arms was around my waist, the other bent above his head. I laughed quietly, and closed my eyes again, gently pulling myself closer. A light knock sounded on the door, and I opened my eyes and glanced at it. Urahara just looked at us, then whispered, "Breakfast." and left. I took a deep breath, then pressed my chin into Renji's chest.

"Hm...?" he questioned groggily. I chuckled.

"Breakfast, loser."

"Later."

"It's ready now. Just get up." I started to sit up, and he pulled me back down before I got far. I laughed.

"Seriously. You have an investigation to do, and I have some meandering to do. Plus, I think I need to have Urahara look at my hands or something." with that last comment, he was wide awake.

"Do they hurt?"

"They always hurt. They got skin ripped off. Let's just go see Urahara and find out how bad they actually are." I sat up, and he let me this time. Then I realized I was still wearing my lime green skinny jeans. I sighed.

"I forgot to buy pajamas." he laughed, then pushed himself up after me, actually pushing himself to his feet. He pulled me up, then pushed me ahead of him out the door. I stumbled, then turned to Urahara.

"Dude!" I called. He looked up from checking the candies.

"Yes?"

"Check my hands please!" I wiggled my fingers, and he walked over, then unwrapped them and cringed.

"What the hell did you do?" he questioned, spreading my fingers apart and investigating the disgusting looking injuries.

"Um, Ichigo ran into me, and they took the blunt of the blow."

"I don't care what you say, I'm having these healed." he decided, then called Tessai, who healed them within two minutes. Promptly after that, we got breakfast (pancakes) then I started arguing with Urahara over why eating a lot of sugar before bed makes you puke.

"That is so not true. I eat sugar before bed all the time."

"But do you eat solid food too?"

"Well yeah, but-"

"No buts. That balances it out. If your only eat candies before bed, your blood sugar goes up, and you puke to get rid of the excess."

"That is lame, I do not believe-"

"You!" I spun around and looked at Ichigo.

"Oh, uh, hi. You're the kid that wrapped my hands yesterday. Thanks, again." he glanced down at my hands, then walked over.

"How are these already healed?"

"I heal fast." I shrugged.

"So why did you run yesterday?" I flushed, trying to ignore the fact that Renji was feet behind me, and now learning about the stupid thing I did.

"Because I _really _had to get home, and you weren't letting me go!"

"You're still wearing the same clothes." he commented. I scowled.

"I fell asleep in them."

"Do you live here then?"

"No. Down the street. Could you get off my back and let me get back to arguing?" I spun around.

"As I was saying, I refuse to believe that sugar can make you puke. That's stupid."

"Then we can do a test tonight. You eat a lot of these candies, then come back in tomorrow, without eating healthy food at all. I'm trusting your honesty on this, though." I rolled my eyes.

"Sure, I'll do it." Renji opened his mouth to argue, then remembered Ichigo was here, and shut it.

"What a moron." he commented. I kept my face straight, until Ichigo tapped my shoulder.

"What?!" I snapped, spinning around again.

"There's a cookout at the beach today. I was wondering if you wanted to go? I mean, it's just me and my friends and stuff, but-"

"Yeah, I'll go." _He likes me. Ewwww. _Then I laughed at the absurdity of the fact that I was almost agreeing to go on a date with him, while Renji was some six feet away.

"Alright," he grinned, "It's at six."

"I'll be there." he turned and left, while Renji narrowed his eyes.

"You just agreed to go on a date with him."

"There's other people there." I defended, "It's not a date. Plus, while I could totally screw up his feelings, mine aren't going to change." he still didn't look happy.

"He'll probably call you later to see if you want to go, anyway. Don't sweat it, _moron_." and with that, I ran to the shower, giggling.


	12. Chapter 12

I was in panic mode.

It was five forty five.

And I still couldn't figure out what to wear.

In my haste, I grabbed a pair of dark cut off jean shorts, a black camisole, and a white, off the shoulder tee shirt. Buying them quickly, I changed in the dressing room, then sprinted home, hoping my DC's stayed on while I ran. I tossed the clothes into my room, brushed my hair, then sprinted back out, toward the beach. I skidded to a halt twenty feet away, took a few deep breaths, fixed my hair, then walked onto the sand five minutes late like nothing had happened.

"Kurosaki!" I called. He glanced up and grinned, then ran over to me.

"Glad you could make it."

"Yeah. I thought my mom wasn't going to let me go." I lied easily. He chuckled.

"Well, at least you got here. Lemme introduce you to a few friends." his arm snaked around my waist, and I tried to dispel the feeling that it shouldn't be there. Because I knew it shouldn't, and I could see Renji getting mad. I stopped Ichigo before we got all the way there.

"Hey. Look, you're great and all, but we can't really have any of the touchiness, because I have a boyfriend and stuff... Sorry if I led you on at all..." his face fell a little.

"Oh. No worries." he started walking again, and I struggled to keep up, feeling hideous inside for doing that.

"Well, Ume, this is Orihime. That's Tatsuki, Chad, Uryuu, Renji," I held his gaze a second longer than the others, "Keigo, Chizuru, Mizuiro, and Toshiro." I grinned at them all, wondering how the hell Toshiro got dragged in here. Ichigo left me immediately for Orihime, probably not inclined to be nice anymore. Keigo wandered right up to me.

"Hey babe. You new in town?" I laughed lightly.

"Are you trying to impress me?" his face fell.

"Look, nice try, but generally calling a girl babe first thing is a turn off." I patted his shoulder, then walked over to Renji and Toshiro, deep in discussion with Uryuu about something. Upon seeing the serious looks on their faces, I turned straight around and headed for Tatsuki, only to get smacked in the head by a volley ball. I fell back on my ass with a little surprised gasp and caught the ball on my lap. A laugh sounded.

"Heads up, Ume." Renji's voice sounded from behind me. I tucked the ball under my arm, stood up, and brushed off my shorts, getting all the sand out from inside. Spinning around, I grinned evilly.

"You're going down."

It only took about ten minutes to sort out into teams. Apparently all the guys were teaming up with Renji. If only they knew who I was. I got stuck with Tatsuki, Orihime, Chizuru, and Keigo, leaving the other team with Ichigo, Renji, Chad, Uryuu, and Mizuiro. Toshiro wasn't athletic. Lining up at our makeshift net, I watched Ichigo serve, which I had graciously forced him to do so. I was playing up by our net, so as the ball came down hard at Orihime, I jumped up, and smacked it back hard, nailing Uryuu in the chest. He stumbled, and fell, the ball rolling off calmly like it had never stopped moving. I grinned, and Tatsuki smacked me on the back, like a teammate smack. We took the ball, and the games began. As it started, it turned out the other team could volley and spike. But they sure as hell could _not _save a spike.

About halfway through, Orihime caught the ball in the chest, and it bounced off, as she fell backwards. I, being behind her, lept over her and smacked the ball, coming down into a somersault and sending up sand as I went. A foot connected with my back, and I came to a stop, legs falling off to the side, as I looked up at Renji, grinning.

"You're a disaster, Ume."

"You couldn't tell that from the first glance?"

"Strangely enough, I could." he pulled me to my feet, and I ducked back under the net, while Tatsuki dusted off my back.

"Nice save." She commented.

"I think that comment belongs to Orihime." I said. She laughed.

"This is very true. Nice save, Hime!" they high fived, and I took my position again. Renji eyed me peculiarly for a moment, then relaxed from his serving position.

"Someone help Ume."

"Huh?"

"You're bleeding." for some reason, my hand flew up to my cheek, and I winced at my fingernails hit the raw skin. He shook his head. Toshiro gestured for me to join him on the sidelines, and I wandered off, sitting down across from him as he cleaned the sand out of the injury.

"Won't they recognize you?" he questioned quietly. I laughed quietly.

"No. I look much too different. Amazing what changing your hair colour and style can do."

"But you act and play the same." I rolled my eyes.

"People can be similar, but not the same person. Relax. I'm in no danger, unless Renji let's my name slip." he rolled his fingers over the edges of the bandage so it would stick, then leaned back.

"You're good to go." I jumped to my feet, spun around, then dove for the ball, popping it up before it hit the sand. Tatsuki smacked it over, then pulled me up.

"Now I can say nice save."

"This is true." I replied, popping it back to the other side. She laughed, then spiked the ball. It slammed hard into the sand between Chad and Mizuiro, and they just looked at it, then Chad kicked it back to Keigo. He served and the ball sailed smoothly over the net, where Renji and Ichigo dove for it, slamming into eachother, while the ball bounced harmlessly away, rolling toward the water. The two started yelling at eachother, and I ran after the ball, which was now floating in the water. For each step I took, it seemed to float another step away. I scowled, then cringed as the cold water encased my shorts. My fingertips brushed the ball, then my foot his something, which pinched my toe. I screamed and fell forward into the water, clutching the ball. Cold water enveloped me, and I pushed up, keeping off my injured toe. When my head broke surface, I coughed out the water I'd inhaled, then started pushing to the shore. I chucked the ball, and Tatsuki caught it. Instead of heading for the field, I went straight for the fire, plopped down on a towel, and pulled my knees up to my chest, hugging them close.

"Coming back?" Keigo called.

"Nah. I'mma warm up over here." the sounds of the game continued, but a towel came down on my shoulders. I pulled it in tighter around me, then glanced to my left, where Renji sat down.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. A crab or something pinched my toe. Scared the living shit outta me. And now I'm fucking cold." I whined. He laughed, and I smacked his knee. I could feel the want for him to put an arm around me, and willed him to not blow my cover.

"So how's your toe?"

"Toeish." he chuckled.

"You never give straight answers, do you?"

"Never. Ever." I responded, holding the towel closer around me. My hair was probably in need of repair now, but I wasn't especially worried about that.

"Oh shit!" he looked at me.

"What?"

"My makeup is probably ruined!" then I realized what this shallow comment really meant. If it came off, they might recognize me, and we couldn't have that. He seemed to realize this as well. I got up and pushed my way to my stuff, grabbing a small bag, and running to the bathroom. Luckily, myhair wasn't too bad. I wiped off all my running makeup, then reapplied it. Looking at my soggy clothes, I sighed. The shorts were starting to chaff my legs because they were damp, and damp denim doesn't do well. I wrapped the towel around me again, zipped the small bag up, then walked back out, tossed the bag with my shoes, then sat back down by the fire.

"Food time!" and then we were surrounded by people. I met his gaze, and merely laughed while a plate of steaming hot Shish kabobs were shoved into my hands.

Ö

I wandered into the house some fifteen minutes before Renji, and decided to get a shower, since I was still shivering, despite saying I was completely fine. Plus, my toe was turning an ugly shade of purple. I'd ask Urahara about it later. Stepping into my room, I dropped the beach towel, and grabbed _my _towel, then ran for the shower, keeping off my toe. I shut the door, and turned on the shower, stripping fast and stepping in. I sighed when the hot water hit my number muscles. Twenty minutes later, I finally got out, now thoroughly warmed, and wrapped my towel around my body, under my arms, then headed for my room, and pulled my pajamas on. I got my shirt on, just as the door slid open.

"I thought I heard the shower running."

"What else would it be? The bubble machine?" I turned around to face Renji, putting my hands on my hips.

"Because we have a bubble machine." I rolled my eyes.

"How was your party?"

"Well, I watched this girl, Ume, get pinched by a crab, then fall under the water. It reminded me of a time, a long, long time ago. I watched this other girl, Katsu, getting kidnapped into the water by a wave. The water pulled her out about fifty feet, and I had to go rescue her."

"That's lucky girl. Getting to be the damsel in distress to be saved by such a good looking guy." he grinned, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"She also beat the crap out of me a little while later." I laughed.

"I don't think so. You probably let her."

"Well if I remember correctly, she was playing dirty." I flushed, remembering hitting him in the groin.

"You were too." I retorted.

"Not that dirty." he defended.

"Oh I beg to differ." I shot back, "Laying on a girl is a little awkward if you don't know them well." he turned scarlet.

"You're hard to pin down."

"This I know."

"Love birds." a voice called, followed by a knock. I glanced over Renji's shoulder, while he craned his neck.

"Hm?"

"Strong Spiritual Pressure popped up across town. Kyoraku and Hitsugaya have gone already." Renji's arms slipped from around my waist.

"Stay here." his voice was strong, and flat. He was gone within seconds, and I glanced at Urahara, who held up a hand, all five fingers splayed. I grinned, and he hit me with his cane, pushing my body back. It collapsed to the floor, and he started laughing.

"What?!"

"Your hair!" I flushed, then ran to the bathroom, and groaned. It looked like someone had dyed the under layer of my hair black, even though it was still in the original cut. I pulled it back into a ponytail, and smoothed out my uniform, then twisted the ring around my finger.

"We're leaving!" Urahara called. I ran back out, then flashed after him. The first thing that hit me, was how cold it had gotten. Almost cold enough to snow, I realized, as frost shone under the moonlight on the grass. The sight was gone as building passed under my feet, then I jumped from that building to the next. Little crystals glinted in the air off the moonlight, and as I went, I almost wanted to stop. But didn't. Something egged me on.

I found out why, as soon as I saw a person flying at me, sword out in front. I flicked my hand, then braced my Zanpakuto against theirs. They grinned, exposing all their teeth. Black hair hung down to his waist, tied back at the nape of his neck with a white ribbon. His mouth looked like it had been sewn shut in Xs, like an anime character once I saw called Jasdevi. Black blood dripped down from the holes where the string went through, in stark contrast to his white skin and teeth. His eyes were silver, and I could see my expression in them; the bewilderment at his mouth. He pushed me back hard, and I pushed back just as hard. He laughed, then braced his feet on my sword, and kicked backward. The force hit me like a whale slamming into me, sending me flying back over a building.

"Katsu!"

"Focus on yourself, damn it!" I cried through the dust around me as I hit cement. Shoving my sword into the roofing, I pulled myself to my feet, then walked easily out of it, only a slight ache in my back. It kind of made sense why they kept getting up now. The adrenaline shooting through my veins was evidence enough. The Jasdevi look-a-like was hacking at Kyoraku like he was a plant or something, like he posed no threat.

"Just as I thought." Urahara's calm voice came from beside me. I glanced over.

"He's much stronger." Yoruichi panted, flashing to his side, scratched up all over.

"Than any of them?"

"Than them right now. None have decided to go into Bankai yet." she glanced at me, "Don't even think about it. I'm under orders to make sure you do not go into Bankai." I glowered, and she glared.

"We have five other people capable of Bankai here. This is no fight for an undertrained child." I was about to yell at her for calling me a child, but she was gone again. Jasdevi flew across the sky in front of my eyes, then turned to grin at me again. I pulled my sword up in front of me, just as he slammed into me again. He laughed crazily again, and I scowled, then my foot met his stomach, and he flew into a building across the street.

"Why the hell are you here?" a voice hissed in my ear. I kept my eyes on Jasdevi.

"Did you really think I'd be safe at the house alone? Urahara and Yoruichi were coming, I had to." he picked himself up the the dust, only looking slightly ruffled.

"Please stay out of his way."

"He's coming after me, genius!" he flew at me again, and I easily blocked him, except his momentum shoved me back into Renji, who slid back three feet. An icy dragon slammed into his side, carrying him far away from me, along with my sword.

"God damn it!"

"Do not even _try _to get that, do you hear me?"

"What did I make you promise to allow you to come again?" his face shifted slightly.

"I'm not breaking that."

"You sure, because-" he sighed, cutting me off.

"I'm not arguing with you right now. I'm telling you as a superior, it's not worth risking your life to get that back, when it just materializes out of thin air anyway." then a thought occurred to me. Who needs a sword to fight?

"Freeze, Jasdevi!" I called. He glanced up, then froze in place.

"Jazdebi?"

"Jasdevi." I repeated, heading towards him cautiously, never taking my eyes off his. His sadistic, maniac smile was gone, replace by a calculating flat line. Then he did something really weird. He let out an ear piercing scream. My vision wavered, and I covered my ears with my hands, trying to keep eye contact still. Every step further, though, cost me some of my will power. The scream was permeating my makeshift earmuffs.

"Stop it, damn it!" his scream was cut off abruptly, and at the relief from my ears, my knees buckled, and I only felt myself falling. Slim arms broke my fall, and I tried to recollect myself enough to get out of this person's arms.

"Relax," Yuudai's seductive voice purred in my voice, "You're not going anywhere anytime soon. Shutting up Chillon (Chiyon) taxed your ability to the point of rendering you immobile, just as planned." I then realized his voice wasn't quite close enough for him to be the one holding me. I tried to focus my gaze, then realized Jasdevi, or Chillon, was holding me. I screeched and shoved out of his grip. I landed hard on solid ground, then shot to my feet. I barely got fifteen feet before something slammed into my back. Finding myself on the ground, I then focused on the sword inches from my face. My breath caught, and I glanced back at Chillon, who grinned evilly. I scowled at him.

"Go break your arm or something." and to my ultimate surprise, he did just that. Then started screaming again, this time in pain. I quickly got out of his grip, grabbed my sword that was embedded in the ground, then waited a second for my vision for focus again. His scream was causing my eyes to be unable to focus.

"Shut the hell up!" I screamed back, louder than him. And he did. He shut the hell up, screaming a silent, open mouthed scream. I shoved my sword into the ground to support me, then looked at Yuudai, who had an amused glint in his eyes. Then they lost the glint, and he started backing up.

"Stay right there." he froze, then an icy dragon slammed into him, taking him up and out of view. My hands and knees, shaking at the effort of holding me up, finally gave way, and I didn't bother trying to fight to stay awake.


	13. Chapter 13

Renji watched as Katsu collapsed, knees buckling under her. Her legs folded beneath her, and she fell to the side, arms bent at acute angles. Finally, his reason allowed him to go, shooting from his spot beside Urahara to her side. He picked her up carefully, bridal style, then moved her bangs out of her face to get a clear look at her face. Just because he couldn't see any injuries didn't mean there weren't any. Urahara was beside him seconds later.

"She's not injured. Getting that thing to stop screaming took most of her Spiritual Pressure. She was essentially running on empty when she did that again." he explained. A hand lighted Renji's shoulder, and he glanced up.

"We need to get her to a safe spot, so I can start healing her. You're supposed to be helping kill Yuudai." Urahara's gaze softened after a moment.

"She'll be fine." he assured. Slowly, Renji rose to his feet. Urahara grabbed Katsu's zanpakuto, then shunpoed off. Renji followed, landing on top of a building some three hundred feet away.

"Go back and fight, Captain." he set Katsu down gently, gave one last glance, then shunpoed off.

Ö

I woke up feeling sleep deprived. And that, I knew, could not be true. From the stiffness of my muscles, I'd been out more than twelve hours. Sitting up, I squinted around the room, trying to get my eyes to focus, which they refused to do.

"Fine then! I guess I'll be fucking blind!" the door slammed open, and I looked at Renji.

"Blind?" then I laughed and cracked my fingers.

"You can only wish." I couldn't see his face very well, so I could only guess about his expression. Finally, I sighed.

"I can't see your face. Please don't make faces while I can't catalog them into my memory."

"How did you know it was me?"

"Well, I think I know your voice, and your hair is a pretty big clue." I held out a hand, and he grabbed it, pulling me up to my feet. As soon as my knees were straight, they buckled, and he caught me around the waist.

"What the hell...?"

"You exhausted yourself. Your Spiritual Pressure was almost gone. It's still not even close to what it was, but Urahara can't heal you forever." he paused, "Can you really not see my face?"

"Not even close. So kissing is a no no."

"Wouldn't think about it." I could hear the smirk in his voice, and tried to hit him on the shoulder, but my hand completely bypassed it. I frowned, and knew he'd be restraining a laugh.

"Oh just laugh." I pushed him off.

"Oh come on-"

"It's not funny." I whined, fighting to stay upright. He caught my wrist and pulled me back into him, then leaned against the wall.

"You're going to kill yourself."

"I'm more talented than that." I muttered. He chuckled, and it vibrated through my entire system. I let out a little gasp of surprise, and he held me at arms length. I just looked at him.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No, you moron! You surprised me!" he pulled me back in.

"Good."

"You're too sensitive."

"You're too breakable." he retorted. I rolled my eyes and wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head against his chest. He rested his chin on the top of my head, and I closed my eyes, relishing in his warmth and stableness, considering I felt like I was going to fall when I stood on my own. After a few seconds of working up my nerve, I finally asked the question I'm sure he knew was coming.

"So what happened after I passed out?" he stiffened slightly, and I pulled away to look at him.

"He got away." it wasn't a question, not really. I knew his body language well enough to know if the answer was good or bad. He didn't say anything for a minute.

"Yes... but we got Chillon." I gave him a look, and he narrowed his eyes.

"Not a chance." he responded to my unasked question. I frowned.

"Because if he screams again, I do _not _want you passing out again. You don't have enough Spiritual Pressure to be bossing him around." now I pouted. He pulled me back into him, body rigid, yet somehow still comfortable.

"You know how badly I handle you being unconscious. Which seems to happen a lot. If that happens with you near him, I don't want to think what he could do." I sighed. He had a point. Despite my eagerness to get in there and help, I had to think about what my actions would do to him. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, I had to break it.

"As much as I wish I could stay here forever like this, what are the plans now?" he chuckled.

"Yamamoto wants us to come back, with Chillon."

"Now?"

"As soon as you woke up, but I think we can delay, since you can't see." I scowled at him, and he laughed. Suddenly, his phone went off, and we both jumped as he tried to find it, then pick up.

"Hello?... Yes, but she's having issues seeing, so we were waiting... Yes... Yes... Right now? What's going on?... Sorry sir. Alright. We'll be back soon." he hung up and looked at me.

"Sorry if you can't see, but something happened, and we need to get back, _now._" he gripped my hand and pulled me after him, saying, "Step." only seconds later. I prepared for it, and wasn't surprised by it.

"Kyoraku, Hitsugaya. We're leaving, now."

"Now?"

"Just got a call. Get Chillon." seconds later, the black and white fuzzy figure was dragged into view, then Renji faced me.

"Do you need me to carry you?"

"Well it's either that or pull a face planter and get left behind." he scowled at me, that much I knew, and then I was on his back. I rolled my eyes, and he started through quickly. We were through the other side within moments. And then the scream started up again. I dropped of Renji's back and spun around, grinding my teeth.

"Shut the hell up, you damned freak!" and he did, as usual. I could feel the energy gone, just like that, but fought hard to stay awake. Despite my effort, my feet slid out from under me, and Renji caught me easily.

"You've really got to stop doing that."

"It's reflexive." I muttered.

"It's reflexive to yell at people to shut up?"

"Actually, yes." he chuckled and lifted me up into the air bridal style.

"Let's keep going." as far as I could tell, the others nodded, then shunpoed off with the shut up Chillon.

"Do. Not. Tax. Yourself." I rolled my eyes.

"Worried?"

"Very." he replied bitterly, shunpoing off after the other two. By now my vision was cleared up, so when he stood me on my own to feet again, I could see where I was going.

"Warn me if you're going to pass out, alright?" he said before going inside. I grinned.

"Will do." he frowned.

"I'm serious."

"So am I. I'll be fine, alright? Chill." I pressed a light kiss to his lips, then headed inside and bowed to Yamamoto. And withheld a gasp, of course. Yuudai stood right beside Yamamoto, Grandpa on the other side. And everybody seemed a little grim. Then I saw something I hadn't thought I'd ever see again. Yuudai's face suddenly registered in my memory. They didn't have to say a word to me before my knees got weak. Renji's arms were around my waist before I hit the floor, supporting all of my weight. Above the pounding of my heart and Renji's urgent whispers in my ear, I could hear Yuudai chuckling.

"I told you she'd recognize me eventually," he said. I shut my eyes and put my hands over my ears, trying to wipe it from my memory. The face. The face I'd grown up with. And then everything was simply gone. My bodies defense to bad things.

Ö

Renji tried in vain to get Katsu to speak to him, and after a few seconds, she just stopped resisting. He pulled her up against him, then glared at Yuudai, not sure what the man's last statement meant.

"Captain Abarai, I need you to release Kita to Yuudai."

"What?!" his grip tightened on her limp body.

"Despite the situation we are in right now, he has requested his daughter, and so he shall have her." Renji narrowed his eyes, suspecting foul play. And he was right, he realized, as Kyoraku spoke up.

"Did you get injured, Yamajii?" he easily cleared the space in the room like it was nothing at all, and brushed a finger over the back dot, which came right off. And then Yuudai was gone. Kyoraku crushed the bug and sighed.

"So, so easy. That's not good." he turned to the elder Kitano, who stared defiantly at him.

"You're not getting out of this."

Ö

_Do I spend most of my time unconscious? **The answer to that is surprisingly no. It just seems like it. **_I laughed at my Zanpakuto's response. Then I realized I was awake, and opened my eyes, only to find the very amused face of Renji above me.

"Oh don't even." I warned, sitting up and stretching.

"Take it easy, child." I shot him a look, then got off the familiar bed in the infirmary.

"So do you mind telling me why you passed out, other than the whole, no Spiritual Pressure thing?"

"Uhm..." my voice wavered as continued stretching, cracking my back.

"That doesn't sound good."

"Never will be." I muttered, standing up straight. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and I leaned on his chest, wrapping my arms around his waist. He settled his chin on top of my head, and I sighed, kind of wishing I could just freeze time like this.

"You have to talk to me." he whispered. After a few seconds, I did.

"Yuudai is my father."

"But he-"

"Only looks similar? That's what I thought too, but then I remembered that in the picture in the book, that's what Dad looked like. It all just kind of fell together. Grandpa didn't know about the whole Yuudai thing, so he just thought his son was helping get me back. He didn't know the whole truth."

"So you're saying your father knowingly and intentionally injured you, several times?"

"Pretty much."

"I refuse to believe that. No father in their right mind would do anything that puts their child in harm's way." I looked at him. He seemed to have a prepaternal instinct. Which was strange.

"What?"

"You don't even have a kid, yet you're getting all paternal and stuff on me. Jeez. Anyway, do you _seriously _think he's in his right mind? Because it sounds like you do." he narrowed his eyes.

"You know I don't think that."

"Yes, but if someone asks your opinion on this, you can't say it like that. They won't ask more questions to clarify, they'll just accept what it wrongly implies. Anyway, he's my dad, and that's it. End of discussion."

Ö

Clearly, it didn't end up being the end of the discussion, which actually turned into a heated argument. Our first, not centered on my well being. It actually ended up with me getting creepy calm mad, and leaving.

This was day seven of separation.

Do you remember, a while back, when I explained how my depression reared it's ugly head whenever we were separated?

It was doing that now.

I was curled up into a ball in the corner of my room, hiding from the world. Reliving every happy memory I'd ever had with Dad. And it was all a lie.

You can see why I was depressed.

So there I was, curled up in my corner, quietly crying, like I had been constantly since this reverie started, when the door slammed open, and shut again within seconds.

"Shower. Now." Rangiku commanded. Her voice was threatening, and I was on my feet quickly, and in the shower. I came back out, and Rangiku looked me over.

"Put on clean clothes." I did. It was kind of mindless, considering I was all numbed up emotionally. And then she explained the breach of my space.

"We're in panic mode. There is a small army of Hollow invading Seireitei, and we need _everyone_ fighting. Even you, Ms. Depression." I gasped.

"Don't worry. I won't tell Renji. But you need to get on antidepressants." I looked out the window.

"He _is _my antidepressant." I grumbled.

"Hm?"

"Nothing!"

"That's what I thought. Heave your ass outside, and start helping. I am not going to deal with this soppy mess. I will not cover your ass anymore. Get over it." and with that, she was gone. I just stared, wide mouthed after her, for a space of ten seconds, before I stepped outside into the chaos. I probably wasn't in the best fighting shape, considering I hadn't eaten in a week, but it'd have to do. I didn't really have time to prepare.

"Where's the most fighting?" I asked, grabbing somebody by the upper arm.

"You mean where do they need the most people? Probably Squad Four. Whoever sent these guys knew we'd be out for the count if they got our healers." I shunpoed off, and within seconds of arriving, had already killed two Hollow. This place was packed from top to bottom with Hollow and Shinigami, with barely four feet in between any single fight and the next. Scowling, I decided I needed sword, not scythe. Close range was best, considering the lack of room. I kept my sword the way it was, then sliced up a few more before shoving through and dodging around other fights. They'd need more people up near the top, with more injured people. Finally when I got to the stairs, I took a deep breath, and shunpoed up as many flights as I could. Stopping on the top floor, I let my breath out, then hacked through the Hollow coming up behind me. I looked at the four people actually up here, who looked super relieved at my presence.

"Thank God, somebody with a fighting Zanpakuto." there were three guys and one girl up here. The guys were tall, but not real big on the muscle side, whilst the girl was short and compact, but looked like she might be able to throw a punch or two.

"'Ight. Just chill. Do you know why no one else has been able to get up here?"

"Probably because they either A, figure we're already covered and crawling with Shinigami, or B, can't get past the first floor." I nodded, then spun around and cut another Hollow in half.

"Are you like, super soldier?"

"No, but I can feel them coming, if that's what you mean. Kita Katsu, if you need a name. Oh wait, it's Kitano now isn't it..." they all gasped.

"Yeah, that'd be the name." I grinned, then spun around and kicked another one in the gut, sending him down the stairwell. I threw my sword, and it spun, then caught him in the side of the head, effectively kill him. The sword disappeared, then reformed in my hand.

"That's a little handy..." I muttered. A scream sounded, and I shot through the rooms, sliding into the one where the scream was resonating from, and chucked my sword across the room, nailing the Hollow slithering through the window.

"Windows locked, _now_!" I called, running back to the front. It was pure chaos now, as the hallway filled with Hollow. I ground my teeth. I wasn't completely fine from my little fight with Yuudai where he gave me two very pretty scars, but it'd have to deal.

"Bankai." The reason I was doing this; my daito had a very long reach... After the flare was gone, I started hacking through the ocean fairly easily. One swipe and they were out for the count. Then I felt an inkling of fear, then a blue whale sized about of fear, and scowled.

"I need someone else up here."

"I got it." Shuhei responded, slicing through another Hollow. I nodded to him, and shot off toward Renji, not really caring at this point if we were in a fight. And as soon as I stopped, my heart did the same. Yuudai's foot braced against Renji's ribs firmly, and pushed his body straight off the sword.


	14. Chapter 14

**Not that anyone is actually reading this anymore or anything, but this is the last chapter of this volume. The third story is title Forget and I'll be posting that next Saturday and then adding that onto the Memories story as well whenever I finish the Remember on the story. Uhm... now that I'm confused, just read. x3**

I knew for a fact that this wasn't what his Zanpakuto was making me see. Maybe my version was a little worse than reality, but not by much. And boy did I scream. Yuudai actually covered his ears, while I ran for Renji and slid to my knees beside him. His sword wasn't even in shikai yet, but he lay here, dying in front of me for third time, having had no ability to defend himself.

"Do _not _die on me, Renji. Not a third time. Renji. Renji! Please..." but I knew the look by now. I closed his eyes, and laid my head on his chest, full out sobbing for anyone to see. I felt like someone had taken my heart, and torn it in half, for the fourth time. Torn it half, then put it in a blender, poured alcohol on it, and set it on fire. I don't know why this time seemed so much more real than the others, but perhaps that was because it actually had.

"Sorry Katsu. It had to be done." I was on my feet within seconds, stalking toward Dad.

"It _had _to be done?" I questioned, voice loud and angry, "You _had _to kill one of the only people I _ever _loved? What kind of sick, fucked up father are you?!" I half screamed. He actually flinched at my words as I got closer.

"What the hell is wrong with you?! How have plans for world domination taken place over your _daughter_? Flesh and blood?! And speaking of, _where the hell did your pride go_?! It looks like you fucking ambushed him! He didn't even have a chance of defending himself! Where did those fucking Shinigami morals go? Only fight when your opponent is able?! What the fuck man! I can't believe I'm your fucking daughter! You belong in Hell at this point!" I continued half screaming, then shunpoed at him and slashed at him with my daito. He barely had time to block. I was running on anger. His eyes went wide as I pressed against him.

"You're no father of mine." I spat, flipping and kicking him backward. Once I landed, I shot forward through the dust and slammed into him again, actually feeling my sword go through him. Then my mind caught up with my actions, and I pulled my sword out in horror as the dust settled all around us. In my paralyzed horror, he slashed across my midsection, and I could only watch him flash away, leaving a trail of blood, as everything got fuzzy and dark, then blacked out.

Ö

I never liked the smell of hospitals. All clean and shit. And it certainly smelled like in the infirmary. At least, right now it did. Anyway, that's how I knew where I was when I woke up. The scents of alcohol, antiseptic, and bleach invaded my mind, and I started coughing right off the bat. My lungs apparently didn't agree with the cleanliness either. A hand came down on my shoulder, as if to comfort me, and my first thought was Renji, but then I remembered. _I remembered_. And then started crying again. Heavy, heart broken sobs. The kind that hurts your lungs and throat and eyes. The hand wasn't that which was most familiar to me. But I did know whose it was, which was a start. The hand rubbed circle into my tense muscles with it's thumb, trying to get me to loosen up.

"It's alright, just cry." Shuhei's voice soothed, like putting wax over a long wire on your braces. Just to take the edge off the hurt. But it didn't ever attempt to disguise the truth. He was utterly gone. And not coming back.

I could feel Shuhei sit down by my back and continue rubbing it, as if he could take away all the pain in the world just by this simple gesture. And it sure as hell meant enough to me. _I'll be here for you whenever you need me. I feel your pain. _And I know this crying seems selfish of me. I'm not the only one suffering, I know. Rukia is probably going through the same thing. Shuhei probably already grieved. Hell, half the squads probably grieved.

And then my tears stopped short.

"How many others died?" he sighed, like he'd been hoping I wouldn't ask that.

"Not too many. Maybe ten."

"That's eleven too many..." I muttered, biting back the sobs that were threatening my very existence. Shuhei continued rubbing my back.

"You alright?" I laughed. It didn't sound like a laugh.

"Not really."

"Well, I think it kind of hit you the hardest, the fastest, out of everybody." this was meant as some sort of comforting joke, but I just couldn't...

I was broken.

That's what was wrong.

And this prompted another round of sobs, as I realized my condition.

Renji was as much a part of me as my heart, my brain, my lungs.

With him gone, it was like someone had ripped out a chunk of whatever organ, and I was running on a gimpy organ.

And it sure as hell was kicking my ass first thing in the morning.

Or afternoon.

Or night.

Whenever!

Ö

There was no funeral, I learned when I was discharged. They were missing too many bodies to have a mass funeral. I wouldn't be going anyway. I'd probably only end up back in the infirmary. They'd made me talk to a psychiatrist. Surprisingly, I didn't try to kill anyone. I just didn't have the energy. So now, mostly people just avoided me. I probably put off an air of depression. Not like my depression had gotten any better. In fact, Rangiku was one of the only people who tried to talk to me. And I made attempts to reciprocate the tries. She kind of stabilized me. I'll give you examples of our conversation.

_**Conversation Example #1:**_

"Hey." Rangiku started, sitting on a bench beside me in the Rukon. No one judged my lifelessness here.

"Hey. Whatcha doin' here?" I responded, trying a grin. From her expression, the meaning behind something that probably looked like a scowl was received.

"This place is kind of the only normal place I can go, if you get what I mean." I nodded, understanding fully.

"Nobody here has one clue what went on inside the walls, and we intend to keep it this way. So, it's like nothing ever happened."

"You can sat that again. Don't." I warned her before she did. She grinned, and I rolled my eyes.

_**Conversation Example #2:**_

"What the hell is this supposed to be?!" she questioned, poking the limp thing on her plate that looked a little like a dead squid. I made a face as she poked it some more. Ink squirted out of the butt, and we screamed and fled, trying to get away from the ink. Once standing a good ten feet away, we looked at eachother and laughed. I know for sure, she had ink splattered up and down her clothes in a line.

"You look like someone snapped a pen on you."

"Well so do you." I responded, sticking my tongue out at her as we sat back down.

_**Conversation Example #3:**_

Momo and I sat across from the clearly drunk Rangiku, watching her every twitch, wondering who she was going to hurl on. Her cheeks were a deep rouge colour, so it was inevitably coming.

"Ya know, you two are some of the prettiest girls I've ever seen." she paused, like she had to cast out a line to recollect her thoughts, which were scattered across the ocean.

"And it's a damn shame Renji died. I mean, Captain is still alive, yay for Momo, but your love _died_. I mean, that's gotta suck." with that, I stood up, and left without a word.

So maybe that last example wasn't the greatest one, but it also portrayed the sensitivity of that particular subject, and Him. Death was off limits. Funerals were off limits. Love was off limits. And He was off limits. And both of these two knew that. But Rangiku tended to forget when she was drunk. I couldn't blame her, I had no better grip on my mind when drunk.

That didn't mean it didn't hurt though.

Because it always hurt.

And just like Renji had become my antidepressant, Rangiku, Momo, Shuhei, and Rukia were working to fill his role. And they weren't quite doing as well, but they were getting there.

Ö

Rukia wandered into my room, straight faced, until she saw me, and laughed. I was sitting on my bed, currently, trying to glue together to safety pins. Why? I don't know. Something to do.

"That's never going to work."

"It will." I scowled. She rolled her eyes.

"We're going to Tokyo for a little excursion." I brightened up and looked at her. If anything, fighting helped distract me.

"Define excursion?"

"They're having a small Hollow problem. C'mon." I set down my drying safety pins, and grabbed my ring, then followed her out the door and to the Senkai gate. Of course, as soon as I passed through, I'd have a limiter thingy. The cold metal of the copper pendant banged against my chest, and I tried to ignore it.

Arriving at the Senkai gate, our butterfly joined us, and then we shunpoed through. Upon arriving on the other side, our butterfly left us, and I rolled my eyes.

"Independent butterflies. Who knew?" Rukia laughed, then shunpoed off again. I followed after her. Despite the gap in our power, she was the higher up here. Technically, I was still in the academy, taking the history classes and kido classes.

"Remember, no kido." Rukia warned me. I sighed. It turned out I had explosively bad luck at kido, just like Renji had. So my teacher had to bring up. That prompted me leaving in the middle of a lesson. Anyway, we were on top of one of the tallest buildings in the city, and we could see virtually everything. Glass glinted in the distance, and I was awed. In all of my life, and death for that matter, I'd never been to Tokyo. It was like a sea of glass. Every freaking tall skyscraper had windows the entire way up, and they were all shining in the afternoon sun, like thousands upon thousands of drops of water. And then to my dismay, it started snowing. Like, could it get more depressing?

But as I watched, the sunlight caught the flakes in the most amazing ways, making it look like little pieces of sunlight were everywhere. Even Rukia was distracted from the person in front of her. Then they snapped, and we both turned back to them. I'd personally never seen this person before, but they seemed familiar, in some strange, sick sense. Some hazelish brown eyes that looked like shattered glass, and flippy black hair. He stood up straight from his crouch.

"You're here to help us?"

"Yes." he nodded, then flipped his hair out of his eyes, and caught a snowflake.

"We've pretty much got the east half covered. Could you two get the west?" I looked at her.

"I call south west." I decided, grinning impishly.

"Good to have you back, Kitano." I flashed off, and settled onto a roof on the southwest side, looking out into the bay. Night was falling now, and the setting sun was turning the snow strange colours all around. I stood on the edge of the roof and let it collect around me and on me. As the snow chilled me to the bone, it reminded me of Ichigo's party I went to, where I got pinched by a crab and froze in the water. Renji had said he'd hug me, if we weren't trying to keep a low profile.

I smiled slightly, and just looked at the snow all around me. So maybe it hurt to think about him. To talk about him. To talk or think about anything related to him. But I should be happy with the times we had, because if I hadn't come home early that day, we wouldn't have have scarcely one memory worth remembering. And that was all I really needed.

Maybe I would be okay.


End file.
